shit okay so i'm like the worst author ever and i should be stabbed. i havent updated in a year! umm so lemme know if you actually want me to continue or if i should just leave it?
It felt as if I was in my own world as the tears just ran down my face. I made no sound. It felt as if I didn't even breathe. I just sat there, waiting, waiting for it all to be over. I had no idea how many hours had gone by, I hadn't heard any bells but I hadn't heard anything else either so there was no telling..
Suddenly it all became clear, I fumble to get my phone out of my blazer. I hastily start typing a message.
I lean against the wall outside of the girls bathroom. I see a figure walking towards me but I don't pay it attention until it stops in front of me. I look up and see Keanu's face, he has a smug expression but I don't have the energy to comment on it. I take the small plastic bag and hand him a couple of notes. He walks off slowly as if nothing has happened.
I pour a couple of pills into the palm of my hand and take a bottle of water out of my bag. As I swallow the pills I start chuckling, the thought suddenly occurrs to me... he had been right.
I did need a pick me up.
At least now I was the high girl instead of the depressed girl who tried to act as if she wasn't.
*a few days later*
I had never intended for it to go this far. All I needed was more of that feeling. That erotic happiness that ran through me after taking the pills. I'd never meant to take too much.
Now the worst has happened, a huge fear coming to life. People know. People now know that it was all a mask. They question my every move and watch me with such scrutiny.
Its not like I have a problem.. I'm not suicidal nor am I an addict. I'm a perfectly normal teenager. I'm just grieving my dead twin. My friends and family are completely over reacting by booking me into rehab. It was a tiny accidental overdose. People saying that it has a link to my suicide attempt can screw themselves. They don't know what I'm thinking or what my motives were.
I go over all of this and thinking bitterly about all of the events of the past few days on the miserable ride to rehab.
It was one of those typical movie scenes where the main character is driving to somewhere they don't want to go and looking out the car window, only to see a dark cloudy sky with rain pouring down. As if to match his or her emotions. The only difference was that with me I wasn't all sad and sulking, I was pissed off. At myself. At the world. At Shay. At Brandon. Why in the name of fuck did he need to die? Life would've been perfect if he were still here! The truth is though...he's not here..and there's nothing I can do about it. I've simply forgotten how to live.
My mind spins to all of the boys I've used to try and get over the heartache that my twins death brought me. I feel guilty that they never really stood a chance, yet I let them believe they had one. Each time I took a little of their happiness but it never made me happier...it never made things better. I'm thankful that I stopped myself with the boy from the party, Peter, he would've just been another in the treacherous pattern. He didn't deserve that, none of them deserved that.
I seemed to have fallen asleep because as I open my eyes a modern white building comes into view. I groan and throw my head back. Fuck everything.
My dad opens the door with a grim face and leads me into the building. I slowly trudge behind him. Not a soul has contacted me since the "incident" as everyone is calling it. I lean against the wall and wait as my dad fills out copious amounts of paper work. My parents seem utterly displeased with my actions, they're starting to see me as a waste of space and money. I'm sure by now they wish I was the one who died instead of brandon. Finally we can agree on something.
"Hello love" a nurse smiles at me
"Hey" I reply with a scowl, I swear to god my life is like a low budget movie.
"I'm here to assist you to your room" the nurse speaks gently.
"Do I fucking look like I need to be assisted. I have one fucking bag" I hiss.
My dad glares at me, "sorry, teenagers" he apologizes to the nurse.
I snort in disgust. "Sorry, parents" I say to the nurse and mimic his smile.
The nurse looks confused but shows my father and I to my room. "I'll be back in an hour to show you to the dining hall" she says as she leaves the room.
I place my bag on my bed and turn to look at my dad.
"Well um.. Do you need anything?" He asks
"You leaving would be great" I reply monotonously.
"Arizona, please can we just have a pleasant goodbye" he scolds
"Ahhh goodbye daddy" I say giving him my most fake smile
My dad sighs "goodbye ari' see you after the first two weeks. You're allowed visitors then."
"Wait what?!" I gasp
"Yes, they want the first two weeks alone with you" he says and walks out my door
I sit on my bed and stare at the four white walls. The room is clean and very bare. I have a single bed, a closet, a table and chair. Impeccable styling. Not.
Well the next couple of months should be a blast.
sorry this is such a shit chapter. kez x
