The Things I Could Never Say #AllTheBoysContest

The Things I Could Never Say

Dear Lucas,

 Even a year after I first fell, and months after we last talked, I continue to hold on to you. I can't help it. I love you. So very much. The first interaction I remember between us is how we were acting super awkward when we had to act in love. We all just stood there and had to try hard not to laugh when saying the lines. And that group hug between you, Ariel, and I, I was ready for that scene to be over. But then, when the director told us that the area behind us would be the castle and you kept bumping the table against us, claiming you were making earthquakes, I started to fall.

The further we went into the season, the more and more I liked you. I acted annoyed whenever we were pushed into each other, or when people teased us, and I acted like I didn't care when I had to watch you act in love with Ariel on the nights she had the part instead of me. You seemed perfect. You were cute, nice, incredibly funny, and when my little brother started coming to practice, you were super sweet to him, and let him hang around with you when you probably just wanted to be with your siblings and friends. 

When you saw me in my costume the first time, I was walking out of the stage area and you were walking in. You stopped for a millisecond, a barely noticeable amount of time, and in a barely audible voice muttered the word wow. I wanted to collapse.

At first, I wouldn't tell you how felt because I was worried it would make us go back to the start. It took us nearly half the season to get up to a real hug, and I thought that if you knew then we would get awkward again. And then I just never totally worked up the courage to tell you. Especially because whenever we weren't at play practice you would pretty much forget my existence. I would pass by you in the halls and when I tried to make eye contact you would just look away. Although, I did love that we would always make eye contact a few times before we were too far. I also loved how when you and Ariel were on stage you two would always move further apart, but we tended to inch closer and closer.

If I had the courage I might have talked to you about it at some point. Stopped you in the halls when neither of our friends was around. Told you that I loved you and that you drove me insane. How when you were a friend for three hours out of the day, and all other times a stranger, it made me wonder which one was acting, and which one was real. But I couldn't. I was just too scared.

Hoping maybe I'll someday cross your mind again,

Hope