Warren hadn't looked up for the past hour, his attentions fixed on the guitar in his arms.
'What are you doing?' I asked, shuffling over to him from where I was sitting. The way he plucked and strummed really gave me a headache... Not that I was going to tell him.
His reply was delayed. 'Playin'.' he muttered, not looking up. 'I've been learning.'
I waited, expecting him to continue. He was usually much more open about what he'd been doing. It was clear that he wasn't going to continue. So he wasn't going to tell me anything else? Fair enough, I mean it's not like I was his girlfriend or anything. Just his ex... That still had feelings for him. It wasn't like he didn't know about them either, everybody knew just how much I still liked him. But lately, he'd been avoiding me. He was making it so hard to be close to him, to be there for him. A part of me still wanted to be close just like we used to be, after all, he was still important to me. Still a massive part of my life. But a little part of me was bitter. Bitter that we weren't getting anywhere and that he'd given up. It was clear. I doubt he'd even looked at me over the past week, nevermind thought of me.
Since he brought another girl to the cookout a few weeks ago, it was like he'd changed. He didn't talk to me anymore, or smile at me for no reason. He wasn't my Warren anymore. He was just... Warren.
It was getting late and everybody else had left the park already. Dusk was approaching fast, and yet he still sat there with his guitar. Honestly, I never managed him to be the musicy (is that even a word?) type. I looked at the time. My phone said 11:24pm. My brain said it was time to go home and sleep. My heart said stay a little longer, prove your loyalty to him. I just wanted to shut them all up and make my decisions by myself. But it was getting late and I couldn't stay out forever. Warren obviously planned to.
'Warren, I'm going home,'I stated, standing up. Again he didn't look up.
'Kay. See ya,'
This was when I knew something was going on, he always always walked me home, whether we were on good terms or not, because he always wanted to make sure I wasn't jumped or assaulted or raped on the way home. Creepy? Maybe. Sweet? Definitely. Even if we hadn't been going out, I always felt like I had some kind of idea about where I stood in his life. I always knew how important I was to him. But now, that idea was slipping away...
I tried ringing him the next morning, but had no such luck. It went straight to voicemail each time.
Hi it's Warren, I can't get to the phone right now. Please ring back later, or if it's important, ring Alyssa!
Ring Alyssa... That's how much he used to trust me. How close we were. He probably needed to record a new message. I wasn't his Alyssa anymore.
There was supposed to be another cookout at my house this weekend, but I didn't know if it was worth it or not. Seth was in New York. Kyla and Hail were too busy caring for Cedric. Warren was too busy with his guitar. And honestly, I just wasn't in the mood for socialising. I just wanted to lie in bed and be antisocial. Reminisce about the past. The past that was never coming back, no matter how much I wanted it to.
I rang everyone that I'd invited, informing them it was cancelled because of illness. Partly true, if lonliness and nostalgia was an illness. It certainly felt like one.
The only person that I couldn't get through to was Warren. Dammit, even Seth picked up his phone! We always invited him to the cookouts so he could at least Skype us or something. I wonder if he actually realised how much everyone missed him. Probably not, if it's Seth. He had his own problems and we had ours.
I didn't bother calling Warren again, it wasn't like he was going to show up.Saturday night closed in on me quickly, and at 9pm, I was still sitting in bed watching TV in my pyjamas. I told everyone that I was sick. Truthfully, I just felt depressed, even though I had little reason to be. I mean, Warren and I broke off our relationship months ago. I shouldn't still be hung up about it...
