Short stories

Is This Love? (Angsty BakuDeku)

Fuck. I ran my fingers through my hair out of habit, feeling an attack coming on. I tried to breathe normally but the breaths wouldn't come. I wasn't supposed to do this. I promised myself I wouldn't do this, yet here I am, exactly in the position, I said that I wouldn't be. Tears of frustration rolled down my face. I can't believe I let this happen...

I paced back and forth in my room, trying to calm down, before resorting to sitting on my bed. I grabbed my body pillow, hugging it to my chest, taking solace in the repeated patterns of all might's face on the surface. Was this pain? Or love? I couldn't tell anymore. After my last relationship, my whole perspective of how relationships work and were supposed to work was severely skewed and fucked up.

'You can't do this, Deku'I told myself.

'You're not supposed to do this, you'll only get hurt.'

and yet, the feelings persist. No matter how hard I try, no matter how many times I tell myself to give up and let go, I somehow... can't. As if for some reason my subconscious refuses to give up hope. Which is ridiculous. I always get hurt. No matter how many times people say that they're different. No matter how many times that people say they love me, it's always a lie. 

This is no different... Yet for some reason, I can't bring myself to stop. I can't bring myself to stop talking to him. To stop messaging him. The more I get to know him, the more I want to know about him. I keep getting intrigued. But it can't happen. Not only am I seriously fucked in the head, I can't do long distance ever again. This can't happen, ever. 

I promised myself I wouldn't even consider it until years in the future. Now, look at me. Lovestruck like some kind of moronic fictional character. I don't even know if it is love, and that's what scares me. 

I pulled my phone out of my pocket. 

I opened discord.

'Don't do it.'

I tap his name. 

'stop.'

"Good morning! >.<"
sent.

'goddammit.'

Now, here I am, staring at the dms, waiting anxiously for a reply. 

I clenched my teeth and put my phone down, yet still, the excitement remains. 

'son of a bitch.' 

I screamed and sobbed into my pillow.

'this is hopeless...'

tears rolled down my face harder as they responded.

"Hey fucker, how are you???"

'fuck.'

I lied down on my bed, my phone probably on the floor somewhere. 


I fell asleep, my mind drifting to a world of happiness, where I have everything I could ever dream of...

Which was unfortunately not reality. 

I closed my eyes, letting my dreams soothe my heartache. 

Goodnight...

I hear the sound of a discord notification. 

It was Kacchan.

But I was asleep. 

So he went unanswered.