Dystopia {GXG}

unlovable regret

In misbelief my hands are instantly knocked away, and Xena leaves in a hurry. I almost didn't know how to react.

The remainder of the day I was ignored, walked past, and just plain overlooked. A dull empty feeling cursed me and she knew I would be alone, that's what annoyed me the most. I didn't attempt to speak to her again as I knew the same thing would happen. As the school day came to an end, I rushed home in upmost fury.

I had a quick shower and slumped on to my bed, time passed and no call from Xena. I try and pass as much time as I could, I even made Mac and cheese, something I don't do often.

My misery comforted me as I fell into a deep sleep.

(The next day)
I sat down alone, trying not to stare as Xena sat in the far left corner of the Hall, she seemed at peace reading her book. Groups of degraders walked past me and clearly I was the subject of their conversations, but I could just be paranoid, ugh no its clear.

Moments Later, I see a shadow loom over me,

was it one of the degraders, or a teacher?  I Look up quickly only to see

Xena.

"Don't fuck with me again like that, seriously"

I couldn't lose my only friend, but I was only worried about her, why doesn't she see that?

"okay." I murmured, trying my hardest not to snap.

The next two lessons went by quickly, I wasn't too bothered to pay attention at all, not because I hated everyone there but because
I don't understand why xena was so upset. But, i knew our friendship couldn't end just like that.
In despair, i open my notebook and rush to write down my thoughts.

I had to slowly take in the fact that, I am unloveable, that all the love that ever came into my life was nothing but fake, and lead to utter disappointment, I knew I had to face it though, that someone who actually cared would never come my way. I am under the assumption that love is dead. People are too selfish on this earth and hurt others in order to protect themselves, but its okay, don't ever expect me to fall in love again. You. You are disgusting but this is unfortunately what you want to be, you want to take a bite into an apple that will slowly kill you, Fill your veins with poison and drain any existing life left inside of you. But this, this is what you've made me into, a murderer. I don't want any of my actions to be perceived as wrong I-really do hope for the best.
I know my mind usually plays games with me, I know it makes me lie,  I know it does, i'm just uninteresting, i thought it was a way you would like me.

I felt a sudden growth of anger inside of me, I shut my book and sat still for a second attempting to recollect my thoughts. As soon as I lifted my head, the bell rung, I quickly dashed out the classroom looking for the emptiest closed off spot in the school, when I finally found one and sat down, Xena emerged from under the stairs.
"Hello."
"Hi" I replied acting as if i took no notice of what she said at all.
"I wanted to talk about something one of the girls in our school, apparently took the easy way out, nobody knows the reason why, they think it might've been an apparent suicide I'm really not sure i have a picture of her though" Xena explained.
"show me" I quickly said, attempting to swallow the anxiety bubbling within me.
Xena quickly showed me the picture on her phone and to my amazement it was..

Not her, it wasn't my old best friend it was someone completely, different to her, in this case she had long black hair, she almost appeared tired in the photo.
I wondered the reason why she'd take her life, and why no one realised any slight change in her but, I couldn't comment as I didn't know the circumstances.
The rest of Lunch was spent with me talking to Xena about people in the school, judging them almost.
Once lunch was over I slept through another boring class, and made my way to My last lesson. It being science made me glad as i could sit by myself and ignore the rest of the world.
Half way through science, The teacher told me to wait outside.
"whats up?" I asked in confusion, you never call me out.
"I need you to go down to the reception i don't know why, they just emailed me telling me to send you down" The teacher replied in disbelief
I took my things and went down stairs to the reception, the receptionist showed me into a small room, as soon as i was sat down...
"Hello, my name is Amy i work in um basically the investigation part of the police and i would like to ask you some questions"