The Girl Who Became A Sunflower

You're that Sunflower

You're the Sunflower that stands proudly in the sun, but stands even more so in the rain. That's how you show your bright, cheerful attitude. You still stand so proudly after a gun took you away from us. The man you loved had the gun in his hand, and he took you away from such an amazing life. He should have given you a choice, but he didn't. No one got a chance to say goodbye, and we don't think we ever will.

You are the Sunflower who stood strongly after dealing with pain and misery, but you always made a pessimistic opinion turn into an optimistic one. That will never change about you.

There are so many moments in when I feel like you're sending me signs or hugging me like you used to. Or when you'd whisper something funny into my ear and we'd giggle. I'm unhappy that we had to see you go so soon, but I'm happy that your spirit never changed.

I remember when I introduced you to my friend Kiya. She was the only one to meet you...if only you could have met more of who I called family at one point. I wish I would have told you what happened. I wish we would have talked more. Maybe if those things happened then you would still be here.

Everyday that you're gone I feel like I'm losing myself more and more. There isn't a single minute where we aren't thinking about you. There isn't a single hour where we don't feel like we'll get a call and it'll say "Oh. Alex isn't actually gone. It was all a prank." But we know better than to believe that we'll actually get the call.

I have all the music you listened to saved in a playlist that's on my phone. And no matter how hard I try to not cry while I listen to it, I always fail. There is never a moment when I don't wish I was with you right now. Where me and you are sitting together in that Sunflower field you call 'Home', the Sunflower field that you're probably sitting in right now reading a book, or writing. You're probably sitting in that park where you got your pictures done. You're probably back in time at your graduation ceremony. But maybe you're still stuck in that god awful apartment that took you away from us. There are SO many possibilities, but why don't we just keep it at the Sunflower field.

Are you thinking about us? Are you thinking about the dream you made me have?

The dream where you're standing in the Sunflower field, wearing a white dress with bell sleeves and a daisy crown. I'm standing a few feet behind you. I called out your name and tried to reach for your free hand, and you turn to me, holding a white swaddle in your other arm. And all I hear you say is "Tell my mom and Molly that I love them, and tell Sami, Noah and Jonah that they were the best siblings I could have ever asked for. Please do this, they need to know. I'm glad we met Angel. Keep everyone out of trouble for me will you? And make sure that Sami knows I'm around." And I nodded to your request.

After I agreed, I woke up in tears. Did you know that? I cry everytime I'm reminded of you. I cry everytime I see a picture or a video of when you laughed, or smiled, or when you were genuinely having fun.

Alexandria Kay Goodloe. This is YOUR  book. This is what I've always wanted to give you. This is you. Always stay cheerful, love. Even in the afterlife. Even in that field of Sunflowers. And like you used to say to everyone; "You know you love us."