There are a number of theories about dog training and how to raise a healthy pet. Some love the methods of the Dog Whisperer while others decry them as senseless and out of touch with the real behavioral instincts of canids.
What you probably did not know is that your own dog does not care about any of this. Dogs live secret lives beyond the control and influence of human beings. Their keen sense of smell and hearing enable them to detect and respond to a world that human beings cannot conceive or appreciate.
It's true. Your dog lives a secret life. What follows is a list of 5 Things You Did Not Know About Your Dog.
#1. Your dog has you very well trained
It happens the moment you bring your dog home from the shelter or pet store. The training your dog applies to your behavior begins when you get in the door. Some dogs prefer to hear their owners bark commands while feeding them training treats while others love it when they owners have no idea what or how to behave. Those dogs jump all over their humans just to hear them them bark the words "Down Down!" over and over again. Then the dog goes and lies on the sofa for three hours laughing their doggy little butts off about how stupid humans can be.
#2. Many dogs are actually cats in disguise.
It is often suggested that cats are the more independent pets as compared to dogs. In fact many dogs are simply cats dressed up in disguise. See, it's really pretty boring being a cat. Other than those twitchy tails and killing a few birds or mice now and then, being a cat is not much fun. So some cats long ago figured out that if you dress up to look like a dog, you get all sorts of attention that cats can never have. You also get to go outside to poop, which beats a litter box paws down. Well-known breeds of dogs that are actually cats include most poodles, a few beagles and any dog breed that requires lots of grooming.
#3. Dogs don't really like the taste of homework
When a dog eats your homework or other required assignment, they're only doing it to help you avoid a bad grade or turn in a late assignment. They really don't like the taste of ink on paper. But dogs are willing to make the sacrifice of bad tastes in their mouths to express their loyalty because you do, after all, have to bend over and pick up their crap on the neighbor's yard. So it's only fair. Even a dog knows that.
#4. Dogs are Democrats while cats are Republican
If elections were held and pets were allowed to vote, most dogs would secretly vote Democrat. Of course they would never tell their Republican owners because that would get them kicked out on the street without Social Security or health care. But the planks of the Democrat Party simply align with what most dogs value in this world. An Open Door Policy, plentiful food bowls and freedom of bowels, and a heavy dose of daily self esteem expressed in praise and free love. Meanwhile cats love the Republican Party's commitment to solid character, not showing too much concern and using a rough tongue to keep everything clean and efficient. Please never mind the hairballs.
#5. All Dogs Go To Heaven, Which By the Way is Grandma's House
Dogs can teach human beings plenty of things about the Kingdom of Heaven, such as the fact that the Great Deity known as DOG actually wants us all to create heaven right here on earth. Dogs know this to be true because whenever they visit Grandma's House there is extra affection, lots of food under the table and a fenced-in yard where there are no leashes and no one to tell you what to sniff or not. That's heaven as far as a dog is concered.
There you have it. 5 Things You Did Not Know About Your Dog. We hope it helps you understand your pet a little better, and why some Republicans seem to cough up a lung every time Obama speaks. They're just getting rid of hairballs.
