I want to be

Part One. Hard to get by.

"I feel very lonely and disappointed. I don't know what to do... " this words appeared in a small notebook. It was a diary. Then he put the pencil inside the diary and put them on the floor nearby.

It is Oliver. He is 18 and he is finishing school. Oliver is sitting on the floor inside his room. in front of him, there is a grey wall. On the right hand, there is a window which was full of sunlight and spreading it all over the room. He was just sitting and wondering about his place in life and why there is no one around him. He felt very bad because his friends left him. And not in the way that they stopped talking to him, no they just don't have time to talk to him. Exams, prom, girlfriends... And here he was alone in a bright room trying to understand why does he suffering, and why he never had a girlfriend and why his friends left him.

Sometimes they were chatting during the breaks and via Facebook. but it was nothing comparing to how it used to be. He was suffering from the fact that his friends had their own lives and other friends and they are so happy. Why he doesn't?

I must add some more details about Oliver. He is pretty smart, not very beautiful, but handsome. he is very unconfident. He always tries to underestimate himself. maybe it is the main reason for his loneliness. People usually like bright ones, who are self-confident beautiful, smart, happy. But what about others? They mostly feel envy for this kind of people because they haven't got this happiness. They stay in shade, they feel alone and try to convince everyone that they are the most desperate. Well, he was just that kind of person. Also, he decided not to go to prom because of his bad reputation. The story is long I'll tell you a short version. so, once he loved one girl, she knew it, and she never covered her antipathy to him, well in tenth grade he got drunk and confessed to her during one of the parties. Since that time his reputation was in complete disaster. But it could be better if he would reacting properly.

Well, he was sitting and downstairs there were shouting and sounds of arguing, it was his parents. today they were louder than ever. Then the door shut and his mother started to cry. he jumped and ran downstairs.

This evening his father left home.

And Oliver felt incredibly bad and he missed his friends more than ever...

Next day he was sad, couldn't think about classes, couldn't eat...

During the lunch his best friends Toby and Alex came to his table, they came with their girlfriends: cheerleader Lora Ferron and one of the most beautiful girls in the school  Sandra Lane. But despite the fact that he missed his friends he felt so bad that when Toby asked " What happened ? " the answer was " It's not your business !!!" and then he left the table and his untouched lunch and his friends that were very surprised and confused. Then there was his favourite class with his favourite teacher - drawing class. But this time he had no inspiration and no will to do anything. Mr Archer was surprised and shouted at him but he answered with an unpleasant word... And this fact led him to Head Teacher - Mr Vaden.  But the whole school called him Waider as Dart Waider from Starwars because of his character. Actually, everyone thought that he hates children, but he just can't stand them.

When Oliver went through the door he saw this stare but he wasn't afraid of it. Due to all the facts, he thought that there is nothing to lose. Mr Vaider said that this was very serious misbehaviour and anything else he would do against the rules would drive him out of the school.

After this, he went home with a strong idea do something with his life: end it or just stop going out or to school, stop seeing and talking with friends...

To be continued.