A Chance

At the doorstep she layed,  betrayed by the ones who brought her to life, all because she was a girl.  Her name was Bella, and you could hold her in your palms.

12 years later,  her life was twisted and turned. She was alone,  no one wanted her in their life,  in school she cried at the corner table waiting for someone to come speak to her,  it was as if her sorrows were all based on her desperate plead for attention. Her best friend, me, she betrayed as all she did was take him for granted, their realtionship was truly one sided. I gave her a second chance but without doubt, Bella broke it within a split second. If anything, she learnt that her sorrows gained pity from other and she knew the more depressed she stayed,  the more she would be befriended by many. 

"with age comes power. With sorrow comes pity. And with me, that's all I need", she said to herself as she got ready for school to her bedroom mirror. We could say that she was a good for nothing imbiscile . She walked down the hallway with her head bent down and fake tears dripping down her face,  everyone watched her silently with her notice but the one boy,  me, knew that all of this was just a plead, after the betrayal she brought to him,  he never cared about her presence, to me, she was a needle in a haystack not to be found. Homeroom period started she sat in the centre of the room proving that her sorrows were all just wanting to be shared.

I wanted to share with the people who pitied her that this was all just an act, but...i couldnt,  I just couldn't, even though she talked wrong of me abaft my back, I couldn't, even though her sorrows were all for attention, I knew that deep down,  even if it was hidden deep down, with the walls of her locked, sinistered and malignant heart, there was a spark of good present in her and  a spark of trust still stayed with me, I couldnt let it out as i felt it was a designation of desperation. I wouldn't let people think that I have a pitfall side so that people would toy with my feelings again.

I believe that with more people who enter my life,  the harder it is to let go of them.  It's like a part of you is lost in the river of Lethe. She acquired a big part of my heart and when she left me for popularity, I felt a tear within it, and it couldn't be repaired  nor replaced.

"Why are you doing this to your self, Huh?", I banged on the desk she sat beside. "I've known you since the beginning , and this isn't your usual self. So stop this and tell me what's going on with you..." I muttered and without giving her a chance to speak until she grabbed my hand and spoke to me, "You know what I've been through,  the ceremony,  the family, I've been through so many problems but you were never there with me during them , so I weeped by my desk to gain attention if others. "I know what your doing, I'm not your pity party anymore, you get that! You could've come to me, talked to be,  but instead,  you talk about me behind me back, and when I find out,  you say, "it wasn't me." ". She rose up and slowly walked towards me,  gave me a gentle hug and whispered to my ear, "I know I did it,  but I can't say why. I'll explain everything later" she took her arms of me and sat back at her desk. 

Middle of the night, and my phone chimed, to find its a text from her...
"hey, you up?"
"yeah now,  why? "
"I needed to tell you about why I did what I did..."
"okay fine,  why?"
"you know that mean boy, Richard who keeps hurting people, and last time he fractured a boy's hand? "
"continue..."
"well I heard that he was going to hurt you, and I didn't want that to happen, so I... Told this to everyone so he'd feel pity for you. "
"I can handle myself you know, I don't need a you telling other people wrong stuff about me,  I even got gift baskets, and I didn't even know why"
"Just wait,  let me explain more."
"I'm sorry I just... Can't...i have to go,  bye "
I let down the phone turning down the volume.

"I don't wanna be you anymore...", I don't wanna be you anymore by Billie Eleish plays from the speaker of my phone, I'm sad to say it reminds me of how I was like her,  I was once mean,  and desperate for attention. It took me a while to realise it but I came back to my senses. I'm not perfect, but I'm likable. And I thought she would change as well.

"I wanna give you a third chance" I texted to her.
"I'm willing to take it, and I promise you that I'll never do that again." she texted it as if she meant it.

And she did, as six days later, on her way 'mop tut school she was hit by a truck and she smacked to the ground laying in a pool of blood.

Bella's journey ended, surrounded by gowns and suits of black. Tears flowed down their faces as she was buried in the grass where she'd be remembered as a beautiful daughter,  a scolared student, and most importantly,  a loved friend.

I stood behind her grave to present my last words to her one I said, trying not to weep, "have you ever counted to stars above you?  It's pretty much impossible, I've known Bella for 13years which is countable,  but the secrets, the gossip, and  voices we shared are the ones that are impossible to count, like the stars above us. Everytime I look up and above there's only one star that catches my eye,  and I consider it to be the secret we shared,  as of now, when I look up that star, I'll be reminded of her as she shined just as bright as it and in my heart,  she still does.

There's a corner in my heart,  filled with secrets and worry...that part of my heart could be unlocked by no one but her. She wasn't the most perfect person in the world,  not even close to perfect. But in a world of mine, she was nothing but that. I loved her with all my heart and I still do, there's no doubt in that, but Bella I need to tell you one and only one thing..." I bent closely to the coffin and whispered to her ear,  "you are who you choose to be, you are your own person, never regret that."