I know nothing of how to love. It has been so long I cannot tell whether I am merely infatuated or in love. The left side of my chest, it aches and moves to my hands. Is this chasm shrinking our growing I don't know. Happiness or sadness, they linger with each other. My new interest is more experienced than I am. They've been through a lot and have had many romances. Will I be an important part, or just a notch on her bedpost. I wish I could distinguish the two. Hurting and loving, happiness and sadness. I've never been in a romance that has had physical contact before. It's enjoyable to hug them, for them to hug me. Alas, I am useless in the throws of thinking for my thoughts make no sense. To make sense if such thoughts would be madness. Am I mad? I've always wondered. This conflict inside me. Love, hate, happiness, sadness, sanity, madness. They all argue deep in my chest. I imagine my heart in pumping out a black cancerous liquid that is going into my arms. I sigh every time I breathe. Goodnight.
