juice box || kamisero

one

   kaminari dragged his suitcase along behind him, his sneakers thumping against the dirt path to his grandmothers porch where the small woman stood, oxygen tank by her side and a Shiba inu wagging his tail happily, thumping against the porch.

a faint smile graced kaminaris face, and very faint it was before it became more obvious as the young puppy yapped and panted, running over to kaminari and doing circles around the blonde boy.
his grandmother greeting him and extending her arms for a hug. "welcome home dear, you can tell me all about your camping trip when you rest up okay." the sweet old woman smiled and kaminari nodded, kissing her cheek and heading for the front door. "your mother is in the kitchen." she called behind him and kaminari frowned, but kept walking and went past the kitchen and out the corner of his eye saw his mother muttering to herself like shes done countless times before, each time painful even though theres no true telling if shes daydreaming on good things or the bad.- but it was usually the latter, so kaminari walked past her.

while he usually felt an ache in his chest and words itching at the back of his tongue, to tell her to shut up and to stop, every past need to yell and cry as he pleaded to her silently to just stop, had disappeared and every emotion was replaced with a feeling of emptiness.- purely nothing but a hollow feeling and maybe there should be a dull ache or eyes shielded with tears.- but as he unpacked his belongings into theyre rightful spots, he felt nothing of the sort; the only feeling of being in his body and eyes dry of any tears.

there should've been something, anything, even if its just a moment where his heart clenches and tugs on its own strings in pain. there should've been a moment where his stomach splashed from the drop of his heart but there was none.
maybe after seventeen years of the same muttering and the flicks of his mothers hand, pinching her fingers together and her lips moving to mouth out the daydream and the small noises that follow though it gave no lead to which memory she fussed over, it wasnt one kaminari desired to hear or know.- it was always the same memories she brought up.

but kaminari understood, some things cant be buried. his mother just cant, or maybe its because she wont let go of it cause shes hurt but, damn he cant help but feel the way he does, the way he did and the way he will.
is he really to blame? is it really he who is at fault for the endless nights of crying he'd done and the sobs that wreaked through him at twelve A.M., hugging his pillow and using it as a chest in absence of the lover kaminari so desired.
   he was lonely and is that worthy of being a criminal over, no it wasnt. kaminari didnt choose the empty space, and if he'd chosen this life like his mother as said multiple times before- did he chose this life, this family without the knowledge of pain? did he get to see a preview of the life he would live and if so, did he see the happy ending? or maybe he saw the beginning of the happy ending and decided to play it out.- either way, he knew for one thing is that despite the bright future that may lay ahead.

kaminari had no idea if he could live to see it, though he lived each day to see that maybe it was true- it got tiring more and more every day.
but instead of taking action, he put his buds in his ears and opened spotify, turning the volume up as far as it'd go and let his mind rest, yet it bustled with the busy thoughts and he closed his eyes in hopes of sleep taking over.

whatever it was though, a happy ending he saw or a tragedy, kaminari will play it out.
wait for his ending to come, and waited for what may have made this life he chose so desirable.