"These are dark times
Can you not feel yourself falling deeper?
You've given yourself away
These are dark times
Mistakes of the past are haunting me
And I've given myself away"
Publishing this on here is a bit odd, but it has to be done. If you're somehow reading this, you're probably wondering what the fuck this is going to be about. You'll see, soon enough. It's detailed and will make it seem like I'm searching for pity, which I am not. I hope to share my story so that other's may find their light, as I am still searching for mine.
My name is Joel Davis, welcome to my past.
With your past comes regret, the haunting oblivion you could never forget. Not many people my age make a mistake so tremendously disastrous, completely life changing-
I guess I'm just lucky.
My life itself has become an idiom, more specifically, the "burning bridges" idiom. The night of April 15th, 2017, forever changed my life. I, along with two others, aided in the arson of a country-wide famous covered bridge in Winterset, Iowa. It's bittersweet what alcohol can do to a person. Sometimes your night of partying goes well without incident; or, if you're like me, you do something that'll forever fuck your life up. I fucked my life up. My aid in the arson was due to me being absolutely shitfaced, the type of drunkenness that winds you up in the hospital, connected to machines so you don't die. I didn't die that night, but part of me did. The man I was, did. I lost everything.
From age five-years-old, I had wanted one and one thing only- to become a United States Marine. I grew up going to my great-grandparent's house every Sunday after church, my great-grandpa being a World War II Marine veteran, having fought at Guadalcanal and miraculously living through that hell, even being quite injured. The Marine Corps memorabilia everywhere really had a big impact on me, from then on I knew I wanted to be a Marine someday, just like him. It was almost like knowing your destiny ahead of you and knowing without a doubt you'd achieve it. Growing up I had no confidence in myself at all, due to a number of different things. It was only until about age sixteen that I started to get confidence within myself, as I had started working out and eating healthier, getting stronger by the day. I knew I still wanted to join the military, but I didn't think I had what it took to make it for the Marine Corps. So, I began talking to Army recruiters. My workouts and discipline continued, as did my mental strength. With my parents aid, I enlisted into the U.S. Army at age seventeen in May of 2016, right before the end of the school year. I had enlisted as an 11X with Airborne (Infantry Airborne) into the Delayed Entry Program. Something didn't feel right, however. I still had that daunting feeling in myself that I knew I wanted to join the Marine Corps, rather than continue with the Army. The thoughts kept tempting me over and over and wouldn't let go, yet I was still unsure. I had two friends of mine that were a year older than me in senior year that were enlisted into the Marines' Delayed Entry Program, they kept urging me to pursue with the Marines instead. I brushed it aside for the time being.
Come August and the desire still had not left me to switch. Both of those friends, Bryce and Kenny, suggested I come to one of the Marines' workouts and see how it is. I called a Marine recruiter and spoke to him about my desire to switch branches, he was intrigued, but also wanted me to come to one of their workouts. I had a feeling in the back of my head as to how difficult it'd be, but nothing would compare to what it actually was. The Army had their own workouts, and yes, they were tough, but this was a whole new level. On a Thursday morning followed a five-mile run, endless series of push-ups, crunches, burpies, weighted squats and a completely devastating full-body team workout. Needless to say, it crushed me. Halfway into it, I threw up. I threw up again about a half-hour later. A huge part of me during it thought, "I can't do this, this isn't for me". But something about the camaraderie was so amazing, how even though no one there knew me besides for those two, they treated me as if I was their brother. They didn't let me quit, they pushed me forward when I slowed down and they encouraged me to keep going even though I was in pain. I'll never forget hearing a recruiter shout, "I better see you pick up the fucking pace Davis!" as I was slowing down during the run.
