The Struggles and Confessions of a Military Girlfriend.

Day 34

Saturday, June 9th, 2018 

Approximately 143 days to go

Today the kids are at my house. I got to watch them and see them for the last time before I leave. They weren't too happy about it. It's kind of adorable. Their mindset I mean the fact that they think life is simple and it is simple for everyone to be around them whenever they want us to be. But life is not simple. not in anyway shape or form and one day they will learn this and they will understand why all these times I couldn't come over everytime they asked or why I couldn't spend every summer with them. I went to the mall with ruby and she knows that I am possibly pregnant. she knows a lot. I took another test but today just didn't feel right. I honestly think something is wrong but until I know for myself I'm sorry but I won't tell you. I know that sucks but I honestly think something is terribly wrong. I got to go swim with the kids today so that was cool. Ivan gave me a new nickname so my new name is mermaid. LOL. Walking around the mall I can't help but think about you and how many times we have been here. I can't help but think about life and how different my life is now. I swear my life has gone through so many changes since the day I met you its crazy. I wonder about our future about how it's going to be and what changes I'll go through during this deployment and after. I don't know what the rest of the summer has for me and I don't know what the summer will hold for you but I do know is no matter what happens I know that you will always be with me. I know that ill wait forever for you. I know that no matter when you come home I will be right here waiting for you. I know that no matter what happens I will always be with you. Know that you carry me every day. boo boo, I miss you so much and I know you know that and I know you miss me too. this whole thing is just so hard. I spend so much of my time engulfed in memories of you or of us. The weekends are always the hardest. During the week I can sometimes pretend like its normal like you're still here in Cali because I don't normally see you during the week so it's easier to convince myself that you are merely at work down the highway but on the weekends it's a whole new ball game you know? Like does that make sense to you? I hope it does because it makes sense to me.  Anyways I hope you rebuild some of those friendships you let slip while being here with me. I know how lonely life can be and I don't want that for you.

Days gone: 25