"Do you hate me?".
These were the very words that changed a lot in my life. We were sitting on the floor making a bridge for a school project. You had led my best friend believe you were cheating on her, so that she would break up with you. I couldn't think of an answer. I had always thought of you as infuriating, egoistic, self-centered, but most guys were back then. Despite all that, I never hated you.
But then I saw a different side of you. During your relationship with Lea, I saw a lot change in you. A lot I didn't know about you. I thought I had you all figured out. For once, I saw you could actually be caring. You could be gentle. You could be polite. And you respected her. So no, I didn't hate you.
For the first time, I noticed your beautiful hazel eyes. And I couldn't help staring at them whenever you were near. I would find myself doing things to grab your attention. Make you notice me. I would try to be next to you, whether it be PE teams, or cafeteria queues. My hand always lingered a moment longer whenever I passed you something. I would be ecstatic when the teacher assigned us in a group together. I envied the girls who you talked with, hung out with, dated. I still didn't know what I felt. I was certain I did not hate you.
Finally my friend got the nerve to ask me, "Do you like him?". I was dumbfounded once again. I did not know what to reply. Back then I just nodded my head. But if I was honest with myself, what I felt was much more powerful. You kept me in your thoughts all day. My heart would flutter when I saw you. This could not just be a crush. It was tormenting when you were not around. It burned when you were with other girls. You were my first love. I fell in love with you, from afar.
If there is one thing I learned about love, it hurts as much as it is wonderful. And you can never avoid falling. I keep thinking I should have said something. We could have had something really good. Truth is, I was afraid. Not only because of what I felt, but because of what could have happened. I was too afraid you would say no. I couldn't stand your rejection. So I decided it was better I didn't try. But that is what makes this so special. Why I will never forget you. They say the opportunities you take is what makes you who you are, but those you missed are just as important. And I can still hope.
