poetry and basic thoughts

Death

(Sorry for starting with such an emotional and sad theme but just recently my father died and I have to get some stuff out of my head)

Everybody always asks me how I am doing. I hate that. Because what am I supposed to answer? "I am doing fine" ? Then everybody stares at me and things I am a cold blooded person who does not care about what just happened. But what else should I say? That I hate everything? That I feel so bad inside that I am thinking about killing myself? I mean I could never really do that but I think nearly every teenager nowadays thought about it at least once. Just the thought of what would be. The thought of what would be different. If the people they love would miss them and tell them they love them too. I could tell them that every time I do not know where my mother is I have a fear in my heart that she died too and I am all alone in this world having nobody. If I would tell anybody all of that they would be scared. They would fear me telling the truth. Because people do not want to know how you feel. It is just the smalltalky thing to say and I hate everything about it. Just talk to me normally but not like that because I really hate it!

Of course I am not fine but I am doing the best I can, to look forward because that is what one should do. I know I should be sad and I am. But I can not be sad forever. He might be gone but I am still here. I have to go on with my life. And that is what I am doing. Life goes on and I have to too. If that makes people think I am heartless then so be it. But it is better for my mental health to move on than to sit in my room crying everyday. It is just useless. And death makes you notice how precious life is and how easy it can be taken away so I think that all those people saying they are depressed and having mental health problems should think about how special it is to be alive. And I personally believe that being happy is a decision you make. Every day when you wake up. Every morning you should think about the things that are great in your life, like the parents you have, the family, be it your biological one or the one you choose (your friends or people that helped you through a hard time) there surely are some good things in your life and even if you can not see them right now you just have to dig deep in your heart to get them out. It does not even need to be a person. For me of course my friends and family are there to support me. But writing also really helps me get over things and think about them in a different way. So that is what everybody should do. It is the key of life. To find your passion!