I kept staring at my phone hoping you would send me a snap, a message, or even post a photo... But you did nothing. You kept being active on everything, but kept ignoring me. You didn't send me anything. I know I ruined some of the things we had, but I kept trying to make it work. I needed to make this work. You were all I had. You're all I still have. I don't have anything else. I ruined those too. That's all I seem to know how to do; ruin every good thing I have.
Then you did reply; 14 hours later. You said "hi." That was all you said. I said it back. And you said it again. We were stuck in a constant loop. At least we were talking again. But it wasn't like how we used to talk. There was no laughter, no happiness, just plain old boring conversations. This didn't make our situation any better. It was still as strained as it was before you said "Hi."
Then the pet names began again. Then the hearts in the messages. But it then started to confuse me. I didn't know what they meant. We agreed that this was over. Nothing would come of it. I was okay with that. I'm the one who suggested it. We still didn't talk how we used to talk. I thought talking every day would fix this problem, but I was wrong. Sometimes I think it would have been better for the both of us if this didn't happen. But we can't take back the past, we need to keep moving forward.
So that's what we did; kept going and moving forwards with both our lives. But then I noticed you seemed to be doing better than myself. And then there was less and less time for us to talk; we were both working all day, every day. The time zones also didn't help. They never have. I'm awake, you're asleep, and vice versa. I don't see or hear from you as much anymore.
And now there's a new factor. Someone asked to see me, and I told you. Then you changed your story. You confused me again. You said this was over. I said that too. But when this happened, you said you were still waiting for me. I don't understand that. I still don't. then we stopped talking again because I didn't understand. You didn't try to talk to me either. I guess it was my fault again.
So next time, please reply to me. Post a photo. Send me a snap. Anything to show me that you still care and so I know that you still love me. So I don't feel so alone. So I don't feel like dying, and making you sad...
