A Restless Mind

Church

I went to church today, and it was as boring as ever, but then I started thinking about you, about the beginning, one of my happiest moments with you.

I thought about our flirting, how you worked to get me, how you respected me and only went after me. It's funny, I don't remember how our first date went exactly, I remember we went to the movies and that's it; but, I remember the exact moment you asked me out on that first date, I remember how ecstatic I was, I was on cloud nine.

I thought about our first kiss, how magical it was, how you found the perfect moment, although you stole it at first, but it was more than I could of asked for, like a dream come true.

All those happy moments I had with you still make me smile, but then, it just makes it worse to think about how we ended.

I wonder what you would have said if I had asked you if you wanted us to end. I didn't let you speak that night, cause I felt I knew what you were going to say, and I don't think I would have been strong enough to listen, so I didn't let you, not after I gave you your last chance; you didn't fight me on it, you didn't even speak, did it not hurt? Or maybe, it hurt too much? I doubt it.

I sometimes like to think that you let me go even though you didn't want to, that you thought I would be better off, but that's just my own mind trying to dim the pain of the truth, and the truth is you didn't care.

Why go through all the trouble of making me fall in love with you all over again, do you like to break my heart that much? You gave me hope.

And as I walk out of church, I think about the next guy, and how I hope he's as much of a saint as you were, a saint in the best possible way, but then I think, even if you were a saint, you still broke my heart more than anyone ever could, so I guess you can't save yourself from getting hurt, no matter how perfect a person is.

-Survivor