I don't know a lot of things; for example, I don't know how I will make it another 2 years of high school and I don't know what I'll be when I grow up and I don't know how people drink black coffee, but one thing I am sure of, is my adoration for you, Peter Kavinsky.
I fell in love with you when I least expected it. I thought I had my walls up and that there was no chance of letting myself succumb to love. I think that's why I did. I was too confident that I would never let love in that I was vulnerable and I fell for you from the highest mountain and I don't think I'll ever find the ground below.
Peter, you are beautiful and kind and caring and you scare me. I promised myself that I would never let a man into my life after the day my dad walked out of mine. He hurt me. A pain I would never wish upon anyone, not even my worst enemy.
I was 7. I was hurt. I had never felt so alone in a world so full of people. I remember feeling smaller than I already was. I was minuscule compared to the damage my father had done.
I made a promise to myself to never give a man the joy of breaking my heart the way my dad did mine. I could never imagine going through that pain all over again. I could never give my heart to someone and expect them to treat it the way it should be treated. I can't just assume that everyone will treat it with tenderness and love.
You got to me, though. You got through my wall and through the voice denying it was true and I'm terribly in love and it feels so good even though my head knows I shouldn't be enjoying it.
To me, you feel like an escape from all the darkness I'm encased in. You make it easy to feel that way when you laugh and I think to myself, "this is the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. The most beautiful thing I'll ever hear." I forget my dad and I forget the pain I went through and the pain my mom and sister went through.
I constantly have to remind myself of that pain I once felt so deeply. I have to remind myself that I can't give you the upper hand because I would hate for you to destroy me. Sadly, that instinct doesn't seem strong enough to keep me from falling for you.
