Not so secret

Dear crush who shall not be named,
You know that aesthetic that says “Pick your poison”? Well, I’ve picked mine. It’s you, but you’re not exactly such a bad poison. Let’s put it this way, you’re the cause and the cure. Weird right? You come to mind at random times and when you do, I lose focus. When we talk, I forget about everything. The good part about that is, I even forget my worries. You take my worries away, you bring me comfort and I want to do the same for you. We’re so alike, yet so different and that’s alright. When I first met you, I wasn’t sure about you mainly because a lot of people who’ve tried to talk to me wanted something or turned out to be not the kind of person I thought they were. But you, you were just looking for a friend and I’m thankful that I met you. Whenever we talk I worry about what I say because I don’t want to come off as a weirdo to you, but I am weird. You’re weird too, which is why we understand each other in many different ways. You’re like the moon and I’m your star, you make me feel important and I always try to shine my brightest for you because if I was dull all the time, we wouldn’t have the relationship we have now. You don’t need another dull star, you need the brightest, you deserve the brightest.

I like pretty much everything about you. Your hair, it’s so beautiful. It can be curly, it can be straight, it can just be wavy. The color, it looks great whenever you change it. Though, I still like to remember your sea green/mint green hair, your natural freckles, your black septum piercing. A chain hung around your neck and the sun shined on your pale skin so nicely. The reason I like that specific picture of you so much is because it seems peaceful, you seem peaceful.  Your beautiful eyes change color, I find that awesome. I recall you telling me how the kids you taught would ask why you wear a paper clip like it’s an earring, I’ve always found that weird, but I liked it. Everything about you is so unique, it’s not just your style, it’s your personality. How you feel 10x more than the average human, all the weird jokes and things you crack. One of the things I admire is your heart, you literally have a heart of gold. You’re always there for others when they need you and that’s a great trait to have. You’re easy to talk to and our weird conversations just make my day. Sadly, you live far away, but I know we’ll be able to meet one of these days. Whether it be with planning or just by coincidence, we’ll meet. You can be very dominant, strict, and caring, but you can also be cute and silly. Like how you panicked when a fruit loop fell out your bowl or how your stuffed animals threaten your dominance. I find it all adorable.

Names, you call me a lot of different names and I love them all. I melt whenever you call me those names like kitten, lovely, little one. You make me soft, you make me blush and I hate it, yet I love it. You asked me why I named you Alphie and I never answered, the reason is because you act like an alpha wolf sometimes, you’re smart, and the “ie” part is me mixing it with your name because I can’t think of anything else lol. If I’m honest, I’m afraid that I’m gonna lose you like I’ve been losing everybody else, but you’ve made it pretty clear that you’re not going anywhere right now and that gives me some relief. We think uniquely and we’re able to share our thoughts and stories with each other openly. We work well together as friends, our bond only keeps getting stronger and I hope that never falls apart. You could possibly say I love you, I mean sure we always say “I love you” to each other, but you don’t know what I truly mean when I say it. Being with you is like wearing a big t-shirt or taking that first bite of fruit loops. In other words, you make me happy and I’m lucky to even know you. I’ve wanted to say these things to you for a long time, maybe you’ll get the chance to read this one day, that day my secret feelings for you will be not so secret. But for now, these words will stay locked in my heart and if you find another star to replace me, I hope they continue to shine for you. Until then, I’ll continue clinging onto you. Stay safe Alphie

Your kitten,
Meia