Welcome to my contradicting world. A true story about, the thoughts in my head every day. a form of self-expression you never heard before called, documenting to the world how you think, hoping to relate to one person out there. To a journey of sel...
Do you ever feel destined to do something and you keep avoiding it?.
Do you ever catch yourself saying," Hey "my purpose" where are you at?. Please come to me before It's too late".
Self-doubt answered, "of course, I was never capable of figuring things out, I've been searching all my life until now for what I meant to do. I've been lost and clueless for a long time".
"Are you okay?" Asked a stranger on the bus.
I said, "I'm fine, thank you. I have a headache nothing major."
Oops, I seemed like an insane person squeezing my eyes shut like that.
Self-loath nodded in disapproval "you are incredibly cheesy and dramatic. You are charismatic snap ou......".
Self-doubt interrupted "Gosh, I'm so embarrassed. This is triggering memories of Every time I talked to someone about this and kept on rambling on and on and see the look on the other person's face. It always ended with me feeling hopeless, clueless and every adjective that ends with a -less".
Self-loath "excuse me? You just said you are looking for your purpose. So, technically you are clueless".
I'm genuinely sick of waiting around for life to happen to me. So, I spent days in Google reading one article after another. Then, I came across an article titled, ten reasons you need a creative outlet even if you don't feel creative.
I started reading the intro, and it listed some common creative outlet like art, music, cooking, quilting, sewing, drawing, photography, cake decorating. then, I read the reasons, And my answer was right there in the first reason
1. Creating gives you a sense of purpose." "If you lack those things, a pervasive sense of emptiness becomes [your] default. The great seduction later in life is that many of us fill the vacuum with false friends, material things, and medication, legal and otherwise." WOW, did you ever read a paragraph and believed it'd written exclusively for you to read, at that specific time and place?.
So, I did some more research about creative outlets. Then, I decided that writing will be my creative outlet. The second I said that to myself here comes the voices that ruin my life.
Self-doubt giggled " hello??? WRITING?, English is your third language, and you barely speak it, hahaha".
Welcome to my contradicting World. Where I listen to my toxic self-loathing and self-doubting intimate conversation every day. Where putting myself down is the way of living.
Self-confidence stepped in," you can easily achieve anything if you put your mind to"
self-doubt replayed sarcastically "yeah right."
************THE END******************
I hoped you liked this first part, and I would be glad if you give me some feedback and leave a comment.
Thank you,
CLAY BLAEC
BOOK COVER Photo by Talen de St. Croix on Unsplash
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ARTICLE REFERENCE: 10 REASONS YOU NEED CREATIVE OUTLET By kate Watson
