Starting my life again

I stepped over the threshold from a breezy but hot summers day. There was a crisp brand new letter lay on the polished oak sideboard. I stepped further into the dimly lit hallway. I stripped my jacket off me and threw my keys next to the sealed letter. It was addressed to me. It was handwritten. It was rare that letters were sent to me. I was barely an adult; only just sixteen. Throwing my school bag on the floor, I snatched the letter. Then I stopped dead in the doorway which entered the living room. I recognized the writing in a horrifying second. This didn't make sense. why would she write me a letter? 'MOM!!!!' I shouted. I tried to sound calm but the echo of my voice sounded shaken. I bolted all through the house. She wasn't there. Confusion was swimming through my mind. God, I hoped she was OK. I parked my self on the edge of the sofa. Holding the letter in my hand. The contents felt at least light. I clawed it open at the top. Cautiously, I unfolded the letter...

To stacey my darling daughter,

I'm so, so sorry to be writing this letter. There was no other option. All my money had gone after losing my job. All we had left was your father's earnings until we lost him. I didn't know how to tell you this but we were about to lose the house and i couldn't let you live on the side of a street. There wasn't enough money to buy food or even to get new clothes and I just couldn't let you be bullied at school for not having fancy clothes. There is also something else I have to tell you. It's that I used drugs when I was younger. I had a bad addiction for a few years and I got myself in a pickle recently, another part of the mess I've made. Just, remember what I said, be aware and stay away from cigarettes and drugs! I don't want what happened to me happening to you. Anyway, I'm so sorry for everything. It's all my fault i know there was no reason for me to do this but you cant understand or even to begin to understand of how much mess I am in. I know that you see no point in me doing this but Its what I have to do. I cant imagine leaving this world without you. Not being able to see you get married or have children. I still remember when you were a little girl you were about 4 or 5 and me and dad picked you up from kindergarten and you began telling us of your day. You said 'Mommy and daddy, today a girl fell of her chair in class all the other little girls and boys laughed but I didn't laugh mommy' you had a very serious face so I asked 'why didn't you laugh hunny?' and you said, still very serious, 'I didn't laugh mummy because i was the little girl who fell off the chair.' Me and your father had to chuckle! You always made us laugh and that's what I'm going to miss most. Just think about it i'm going to be with your father and we will be watching over you and we'll hopefully meet again in heaven. I want you to get everything you want and do well in life. I'm so proud of you already. Look after chloe for me, i know you can. I'm going to miss my beautiful sweet angel. I'll love you forever, forever and always.

Love mommy ♥ Xxxxxx

The tears poured out of my eyes. I curled up on the couch  my stomach was felt twisted and in a thousand knots. The stinging tears began flooding out like a stream. The tears from my left eye rolled over my nose down onto my right ear; the tears from the right, down my cheek. I couldn't stop crying. This wasn't how heartbroken girls in movies cried. They cried softly and without a sound. Then there was me, weeping. However, my heart wasn't broken it had been first stamped on, then teared into a million pieces and last, burned in a roaring fire. Why would she kill herself? WHY?! She had me I loved her, my mum was the only one I have left and where do I go now?? What do I do in this kind of situation??

Questions swirled through my mind. Still weeping, I looked at the letter again. I stroked my trembling finger over the neat handwriting of my ... Late mother. The words didn't feel true. Maybe I was in a nightmare. I let the piece of paper slip out of my fingers. I grabbed a pillow. Hugging it tight. Lying my damp face on the old fashioned pink couch. I heard rain begin to fall outside. I curled up more, pulling my knees to my chin. For several minutes, I stared at the wall just... Thinking. The pillow was behind me now. I was pretending it was mom. Pretending she was still there behind me. Holding me, hugging me. Telling me everything going to be ok. That I've just has a bad dream. I just needed to go back to sleep and think of happy things. I closed my eyes still weeping, my shoulders shaking. Then I fell asleep with the picture of mom's beautiful face in my head, her sweet voice, her sweet perfume, her soft touch holding me. I whispered out to the air, I love you too, mom.

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Hey guys, so this Is my first story on this account, I know its kinda sad at the moment but don't worry it gets happier :D anyway I really hope u like and comment and read my next chapter. I know this int much but wrote it with a limted amount of time they'll be a lot more next time.

Thankyou for reading I hope to update sometime again this week:)