Dear Kris

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by Bisexualhope

by Bisexualhope

You were the first girl that I introduced to my friends. You the first girl that I really liked. And I think that's what made our breakup even worse. That what made everything worse.

I look back on everything and wonder how I could have been sure an idiot. I now realize why none of your friends liked me, why they all held their breath around me. Did you really think you could keep it from me? Did you think I'd never ask who Ash was? It still hurts me that you thought so little of me.

Yet I'm writing this letter to you. Because regardless of what you did, regardless of happened, I still love you. And out of all of the letters I'll write, you are the least deserving. Because I hate that I love you still.

And everytime I think of you, I think of Ash. I think of this girl who loves you too. And how you dragged us both through the dirt. At least I figured it out.

You were always so flirtatious. From the first time we met while volunteering at the National Health Day. It was two days after we had met when we had our first kiss, and about 10 minutes after that before we had our first "sexual experience".

God, I still hate to think that you were my first, and you were probably Ash's first as well. But at least you loved her at one point. Because I know now that you never loved me. Because the only time you ever told me you did, was the day I found out about Ash.

That day is still kind of a blur, I remember we went bowling with some of your friends. You went to the bathroom, but before you left I whispered a PG-13 comment in your ear and shared my first public gay kiss with you. I turned back to your friends and saw the disapproving looks. And the next words hit the back of my skull and will bounce around in my brain for the rest of my life.

"You know she has a girlfriend, right?"

And there it was. No I did not know she had a girlfriend. But as soon as I knew it all fell into place. That's who Ash was. And this is who I was. A 2 timing slut that helped girls cheat on their girlfriends.

I don't remember confronting you. I don't remember what I did the rest of that day. I just remember feeling guilty for what I had been part of.

And it wasn't the last time we got together. Let's face it, you always said you chose me over Ash, but considering her FaceBook page is covered in 4 year anniversary posts, I know I was foolish to believe you.

So Kris, I do love you.

And I hate it.

You took something from me that I can never get back. And that's something that you can never fix.

Much love,

H💜