The First Boy I Ever Really Loved

short version of a long story

I met you in 7th grade, I felt something I couldn't explain very fast. You told me your feelings on the last week even though you were supposed to change schools. We didn't talk during the summer, but you ended up staying in 8th grade. You also ended up breaking my heart twice in that year. Saying I was too much to handle.

But during the summer this time, we talked about things more than ever before and we both agreed that during our first year in highschool we wouldn't date again, but maybe during 10th grade.

Eventually, we grew a small hatred for each other. You openly saying how annoying I was and not wanting me around, and I hated you because it felt like you broke up with me me all over again when you started pushing me away again, but this time as a friend.

It was like that all year, until around March or April when you suddenly seemed okay with me again.

Then my birthday week in May. You knew my best friend wasn't talking to me, you could see both of our pain. You got off of the bus and saw me, I didn't see you, and you threw something small at me and I was very confused when I didn't see who it was but then I looked down, and I saw one of my favorite things in this world, which only two people knew about.

You, and my best friend.

Later on you told me you had feelings for me again but it was summer time and neither of us wanted to date because this time it was me who was supposed to change schools.

I did, and you weren't hurt about it, just kinda sad. You still flirted with me during the year and following summer but eventually you slowed down your talking in December of my 11th grade year when you found out I was dating someone. Didn't respond the way you used to, if you responded at all. It made me wonder if you felt the way I did every time you pushed me away.

You graduated a year early and I didn't know until two days beforehand, it wasn't you who told me. And to make things worse, you moved to Washington DC and didn't even tell me until a week later.

I cried a couple times because that's when I realized how much I missed all of my friends and my old school. Because I spent basically four years loving you in a way I never really felt until I met the person I'm dating now, I feel connected to you in a way I can't describe.

I haven't romantically loved you in maybe 10 months, but for not the first time, you broke my heart. You break my heart as a friend from last December on, and honestly, it hurts more now than ever before.

I miss you my hippie.
Do you ever miss me too?