That Deep Shit I Can't Live With(out)

Bury My Good Intentions

My greatest fear is to fade silently and unperceived out of everyones mind.
How no one cares or remembers me or even notices my absent.

This is why I am bright and colourful, loud and spinning fast, playing courageous, laughing, forcefully burning my existence in everyones thoughts, desperately screaming and openly talking and drastically changing with every other breath to take.

Breaking down in insecurities whenever facing one of those personally shaped and built up mirrors in a strangers eyes.
Will I pass the test again? Or am I doomed to be forgotten?

Life doesn't love me very much, cracking its whip onto my self-esteem to shatter me down, convincing me I'm made of glass. But I found out long ago that my body and mind consist of layers, each and every one a different material.
May the outside break and shatter like porcelain, digging deeper will only reveal a shell of diamond, come on and try to break through, just to prove me that you can.

Isn't that exactly what this is all about?
Hurting me to show me you can do it?
Pathetic means in a pathetic world. I can't truthfully say I am surprised.

Shouting my intentions from the bottom of the well all your pretty lies made me dig intending it to convert into a grave.
And oh, it's still sinking deeper, forcing my hoarse voice to its very limits as it gets harder to hear my screaming with every second, barely any words to understand.

I'm dragged into this nightmare. Tortured and pitiful. I'm cold and trapped in this watery grave, shaking in losing hope, fatigue covering my weary thoughts, trembling muscles and the end is near.

This part of me, predetermined to die in this cave and I'm abandoning all I used to be about, leaving a monster for you to deal with. Thirsting for your regret and fear, longing to attain freedom.