Once upon a time there was once an ancient magical kingdom. This kingdom was filled with happiness, rainbows, and carrots. The king of this land, King Legolas, was looking for a ballin’ non-human girl to marry. Human girls were too insane and fucking crazy, and fangirls were atrocious, so he ended up finding a blonde elf. So… she ended up pregnant and everyone was freaking out, so excited about the prospect of a half breed elven prince with possible magical abilities. Annnnnnyyyyywwwwaaaaaayyyyyssss (BAHAHAHAH just kidding I’m not Harry fucking Styles], the baby was born and the called it Niallius (Niall for short), and everybody loved him because he was blonde and was able to speak in an Irish accent before the age of one week old. Niall was a very gifted singer, and everyone in the kingdom loved to hear him sing, no matter how shit the song was (he could even make them love One Thing, which id saying a lot However, this much beloved prince was soon targeted by the most evil of witches, Caroline Flackicus. Caroling wanted Nialls beautiful voice and amazing looks all to herself, because she is an extremely rare and mystical witch known as a cougar. Caroline Flackicus was already bitter when it came to love, as she had had her heart broken by a green eyed brunette afro boy who spoke so slowly that he was still attempting to finish sentences he had started years previously. Caroline hired three local thugs from a nearby village, Liam. Zayn, and Louis, to kidnap the elven prince. The boys were excited at the large sum of money they were to receive for the job, and immediately disembarked on Louis amazeballs flying pigeon Kevin. The boys flew over the country, discussing plans about how they could finally start the boyband idea they had been dreaming of starting for so long. “What would we call it” asked Liam? “How about My Mom Thinks I’m Pretty?” Offered Zayn, “ it sounds obscure and baddass. “NO, LOUIS PROTESTED” screamed Louis in the third person like a fuck, “LOUIS WILL CALL IT ONE DIRECTION BECAUSE THAT IS THE ONE DIRECTION WE ARE FLYING”
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“ Wow Louis that’s a great idea how do you come up with this shit” asked Liam in awe. “I eat a lot of carrots” replies Louis smiling. ‘Whoa, look down there !” called Zayn, and they all peered over the side of Kevin, who screeched excitedly. They saw a young boy running down the road, his brown afro flying in the breeze, and he was being chased by a group of psychotic looking girls. “ OH MY GOD HE IS BEAUTIFUL” screamed Louis, while the other two echoed there agreement. “ FLY LOWER KEVIN, LOWER!” he screamed hysterically. Kevin swooped lower towards him. The boy looked up and his look of terror changed to hopefulness when he caught sight of them. “HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEELLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLLPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPPP MMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMMEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE”. In the time it took for the boy to say this Kevin managed to pluck the boy out of the crowd, throw him on his back, and fly for three more hours until they were minutes from the kingdom. When he finally finished his yell. The three boys looked at him expectantly, while Louis gaze changed to blind adoration. “ My Name is Harry”, the boy said slowly. “Thank you for saving me”, they had reached the kingdom by the time he had said this and the Harry was quickly updated on what the boys were in the elven kingdom to do. “ Your going to kidnap the prince for Caroline, she put a spell on me so that all girls go mental when they see me because I broke up with her…she was to young for me” explained Harry. “ Well, we need the money and the prince seems like kind of a douche anyways,” implemented Zayn, looking up at the castle. “ I know what we’ll do!” said Liam excitedly, “we’ll send Harry inside the castle to cause a diversion amongst the young elven maidens, and we’ll fly Kevin up to the princes tower and kidnap him!” “GOOD THINKING LIAM” screamed Louis, “I shall stay with Harry and make sure he is not sexually assaulted or tramped by the mob” he grabbed Harry’s hand and they slid off Kevin together and skipped into the castle. Screaming ensued and the other two took off on Kevin jumping into the Prince’s room. Prince Niall was chillin on his bed listening to some Edmund sheeran, a local dwarf singer, when the boys appeared. Liam calmly explained the situation to Niall who hopped off the bed and listed to there story. “Well”, Niall said, “ I have been wanting to leave my princely duties for some time, as I would be an extremely shit king who is immature and a general asshole. I have a huge fortune, and much more money than Caroline Flakicus has, so we could take that, leave the kingdom, and start our boy band with the five of us. We’d be totally awesome.” Zayn and Liam looked at each other and smiled creepily, Kevin cooed as he fluttered past the window like a boss. “ Alright sounds like a plan, welcome to One Direction!” the boys said excitedly. “That’s a pretty shit name” replied Niall. “Shut the fuckup Niall “ called Louis as he burst into the room, dragging Harry by the arm behind him. “ These girls are so fucking nuts, I hope we wont have to put up with this shit when we get famous”. All of them smiled and turned toward the window,going to board Kevin, when they notices a small, questionable looking boy riding on the back of him already. “ BEANS, NO , GET OFF THE PIGEON”, the bot cackled menacingly “ MOTHER OF PEARL BEANS MOTHER OF PEARL!” Is he joining the band to?” asked Zayn doubtfully. “NO” screamed Niall, and dove onto Kevin pushing Beans off. The boys left the kingdom after meeting with the King who wished the boys good luck, and told them to look out for a guy named Simon who he had foreseen helping there career. The boys took off on Kevin, but made sure to fly past Caroline’s witch hut and throw Beans off. They laughed and continued flying towards the mystical Earth realm, all while discussing there first song. “I have one, said Liam, “lets sing one about girls and there self consciousness and how they are secretly beautiful and they just don’t kno-“ “THAT IS A HORRIBE IDEA LIAM” screamed Louis, “ I KNOW EXACTLY WHAT OUR FIRST SONG WILL BE” . Louis cleared his throat and sang loudly, “EVERYBODY WANTS SOMETHING-“ a distant voice echoed from underneath Kevin’s wing “TAKE YOU MONEY!” “BEANS” all the boys shouted together as they flew into there new lives as teen sensations.
