Random Ace Attorney Story

LGBT stands for Luigi's Got Big Tiddies

Kristoph wakes up as the sun nearly blinds him when his eyes open. He puts on his glasses and walks downstairs to see 19 empty mugs on the table. "For fucks sake Godot. I know you have a fetish or obsession for coffee but why torture me?" Kristoph sighed. "Yoohoo!" a feminine voice cries out from the staircase. Down comes April May, barely clothed. "Jesus Christ, you fucking slut put on some clothes!" He yells, taking his glasses off to not see May's huge ass tonhongerekoogers.

"Kristy, stop averting your eyes from my jugs, you know you wanna look?" May says in a very desperate voice. "No one wants to see your fucking tits." Godot yells on the couch drinking coffee, with another 15 mugs surrounding him. "What in the fuck Godot, I knew you had a fetish for coffee but come on man."

Godot frowns "It's not a fetish you fucking donkey, it's just that coffee tastes good, ever since I was 7 years old, I sat on a bag of coffee beans and it changed my life, it's aroma was-" 
"This is indeed a fetish. 7 years old? Changed your life? Sounds like those weird ass 'My Strange Addiction' people." Kristoph interrupts. Wellington comes down the stairs and grabs a banana. "Maybe Richard will wanna see my boobs! Hmph." April turns to him. "Sorry, I actually don't. I'm actually gay." He says while unpeeling the fruit. "Wait, WHAT? I could've sworn you were the straightest person here! Might explain why you like Bananas..." Kristoph exclaims. "Indeed, and about the straightest person? That award would go to April May cause she's waltzing around here like a slut, thinking she's hot shit because she's the only female here." Rich says and taking a bite of the banana. 

"This is some real shit for me, I'm gonna go wash my face." Kristoph says in a flat tone. He walks by Matt's room to see him turned to window, then shrugs and washes his face. When he walks back he decides to worry more about Matt. "Hey, Matt, you doing alright?" Kristoph's voice startled Matt "Yeah! I'm good..." Kristoph slowly approaches Matt. "You sure? You seem pretty out of it."

"Yeah I'm just.. not well at all man. Starting to feel like my life has no value." Matt sighed. "Feeling like ending it all will make things-"
"Hey, listen Matt." Kristoph interrupted, sitting besides him. "I don't want you thinking you have no friends or people to help you. You've got me, you know?" He continued. "Yeah, I guess I see what you mean... I'll be fine, you can go back down. Don't tell anyone about this!"

Looking around he sees Godot basically drinking the entire coffee in the house. "Where's Richard?" Kristoph asks. "He went to go get beer for us." Gant replies. At that same moment, Wellington bursts through the door holding 2 packs.  "I'M HERE, I'M QUEER, AND I'VE BOUGHT BEER!" He yells out. "Speak of the Devil, the fuck you mean you're queer?" Gant confusingly asks. "Oh you didn't know I came out the closet today?" He states. Gant raises his eyebrows and pretends not to hear anything. "Guess that's one way to say you're gay, stating it in an entrance." Kristoph scratches his head.