Unlucky In Love

Where It Began...

                         Hmmm here to start...well I guess let's start with me! My name is Piper Marie McLean, I am 18 years old and a college freshman at Appalachian State University in North Carolina.  Currently I'm working to balance school life with romance and trust me it's not easy for a girl like me. By that I mean a girl who has just the absolute worst luck when it comes to love. Seven break ups in 3 years and not a single one was someone I dumped. They all dumped me...like geez.  My current relationship is well not bad but I wouldn't say it's amazing. Love is extremely confusing and honestly sometimes I wish I could just go back to my first love and NOT fall in love because after him it just all went down hill in the romance department for me. To sum up all of the drama and shitty romance that was the past three years of my life.  I'll tell you about the main 3 people who really made life shit and 1 who deserved better than me. And then lastly the guy I'm with now.

                        It all started with my first ever boyfriend in the eighth grade, his name was Micheal. He was one of those problematic students, you could say he was a player but really we were kids. We dated on and off for over a year, and that consists of him dumping me, dating my friends and me sadly taking him back. This continued until second semester of my 9th grade year at Lumberton Senior High School. After our 4th break up I finally learned to move on though he would still try to message me to get my attention but I wasn't having it. I had found someone new and he was great.

                     At least at first..this guy was kind and sweet. His name was Conner. I fell hard for this boy and we dated for over a year without breaking up which was amazing but the relationship it's self was not completely amazing. This was the kind of relationship filled with peer pressure and lying to your mom. One that completely changed me as a person and changed the way others looked at me. And most people only seen me as one thing after he broke up with me and that was a SLUT. He was my first in the sexual areas and I felt pressured into doing a lot of things. Most of our dates consisted of going to the movies to do such things. I was so scared he would break up with me I did as much as he asked me to because I loved him. I was too afraid to say no so I brought all of the pain and tears onto myself for not being braver. I even went as far as being his side hoe when he broke up with me because I couldn't let him go. He meant the world for me and I had completely changed for him so letting him go was very hard.  He was a great person really. He protected me from my brother and comforted me when my dad was just an absolute dick. But in the end it didn't work out and I ended up back with the first guy. 

                  After going back to Michael and him cheating on me. Months later I found a guy named Trevor who I thought was super sweet, but boy was he the opposite. He was scary and also put pressure on me. He was worse than Conner. By this time I had learned to say no. But that word didn't exactly mean anything to him. To be frank this guy would touch me no matter how many times I would say no. So eventually he wore me down and I felt like I had no power. I even agreed to take a video for his own pleasure so he would leave me alone and stop asking me for pictures because at his point I didn't have any self worth left in my body. I had become an object and I felt nothing. That is until we broke up and I learned that he had shown many people the personal stuff. People were calling me a slut, they constantly asked me if it was true and one of his best friends was the one who actually told me because he felt bad for what I went through. When I confronted Trevor about what he did and told him how it affected me he told me that he didn't do it and to leave him alone or he would ruin my life by showing it to everyone...by this point I had become extremely depressed and hated myself for who I had become. After him I talked to a guy but that was short lived. 

                      A few months after my short relationships with Trevor and one other guy. I found someone who truly was sweet and kind. This genuine guy's name was John. If I had to describe him it would be a punk rock skater boy. This happened to be my type. This was the one relationship I ruined. A month before me and John started dating I had the tiniest crush on this guy and he wasn't interested so we became good friends and he told me he knew the perfect guy for me and that's when I met john...well not met him. Remember Conner well me and conner went on many double dates. One of Conner's friends was he girlfriend of John so I had been on a double date with him. As well as we had other mutual friends. John and I were into a lot of the same things like rock music, skating, drawing and anime. We got along so well and eventually I started falling for him. We started dating and things were going well but some days I barely heard from him and he moved away so I heard from him less. I talked about this to the guy who set us up who was also my gym partner/personal trainer. It got to the point that my gym partner talked to me more than my own boyfriend did and this was even when they were hanging out. The way that my gym partner treated me was weird to my best friend jessica. She suggested maybe John was just a place holder for my gym partner who was going into the army her analysis of the relationship between the 3 of us made me super confused and I ended up falling in love with my gym partner and to make her analysis look even more true my boyfriend broke up with me just 2 days before my gym partners army boot camp graduation. Things at this point in time was just so confusing. I had ruined one of the best relationships I had ever had. 

                    And I regret what I did to him and sometimes I wish I could go back and be with him which isn't good because I'm currently with another boy that my gym partner set me up with. Why I took his advice again I don't know but things got even more complicated because I'm a complete idiot. This guy was in the army with my gym partner. I met him my senior year old high school. He claims he has loved me since he seen a picture of me that I had sent to my gym friend. We dated for 5 months before we actually met. He claimed he was a virgin which made me extremely happy so I didn't have to worry about being sexually harassed anymore. But as luck would have it when we met he started touching me and at first I was okay with it but one night when I was laying next to him I fell asleep. What woke me up was him touching me without my permission...he went to as far as to even try and fuck me in my sleep. I asked him to stop and he did but I was terrified. In the car when I was driving him to get some food I told him that if he ever did anything like that again it was over. He apologized and we never spoke of it again. The next time he came to visit again I was playing a game on his phone and he got a facebook text from a family member and he told me to respond to them for him because he doesn't like his family very much and after I did I noticed that there was a girl too. I wasn't super worried about it so I looked at their messages and to my shock he had been asking her for nudes all the way from before he met me the first time to just a month before his second visit. I immediately broke down and he rushed to my side. He threw the phone before I could read anyone and held me tightly in his arms as I hit his chest and screamed for him to get away from me. He cried and begged me not to leave him. That it was a mistake and he would never do anything like it again. I slapped him and told him if he ever did it again we were over and I would never speak to him again. And we stayed together. That was 6 months ago and to this day I don't completely trust him which causes lots of arguments as well as I'm extremely depressed which causes even more arguments....Though he doesn't treat me the best I stay because I don't know what I would do without him. Sad right. 

                     I'm not the nicest person either. I'm possessive which is why most people leave me. Is it my fault a lot of that stuff happened to me? Absolutely. Did I deserve most of it? No...Like I said though this is just the beginning of my story.