Dear Jack ( Your name isn't even Jack),
We never were a couple. We just happened to be a couple of people who seemed to rely on each other heavily. We were honestly a couple without all of the PDA. That and the fact that you did not reciprocate my feelings for you. That's okay though, I respect that.
We had the weird habit of always texting the ugliest pictures of ourselves and sending them to each other. I would wake up and sneak out into my front yard in the middle of the night to hear your drunken cries of how you felt like the weight of the world was on your shoulders, knowing that I couldn't get to you. I talked to you all night, with very little sleep, to chase away those demons that haunted you. You defended me against your ex-girlfriend, who was once my friend, because she thought that I liked you. Well, she wasn't wrong, but since we had been friends before you two started dating, I guess that I can see why she hated me so much afterwards.
Whenever I was having a hard day, I would push you away. You never gave up on me, Jack and I appreciate that so much more than you will ever know. I remember that one time that when I pushed you, you called me not a second later. I actually smiled through my frustration as you talked me through my dark thoughts.
I remember that one time that we did fight, I walked away feeling like I was being crushed alive. I still think of the look on your face whenever I said the things that I did. I cried for the rest of the school day and I couldn't even face you when it was time for our last class period, so I chose to skip it. I cried for the rest of the night. I cried, not knowing why all of this affected me so much. Deep down, I knew, though. I knew that our years of friendship were started to catch up to me. That all of those texts and late night calls were chasing me. Then, I let them catch me.
I let them sweep me out to sea. I felt I was drowning in my feelings, knowing that you had no idea. I had tears in my eyes every time that you smiled at me, every time that you sang your favorite songs. I still laugh at how shocked you were when you found out that I was going to sing in the school talent show. You were impressed when I actually turned out to be good. That all just made me love you more.
Jack, you don't know that this letter exists. Just know that I wrote it with all of my thoughts and prayers for you to be happy in the world, with or without me. Thank you for being there. I loved it all.
Always,
Stephanie xo
