Pink vs. Blue

Janette looked down at the stick and watched it turn pink. The further it got from blue and the closer it got to pink, the more tears stung her eyes. Janette was 28-years-old. She and her husband, Marcus, had been married for less than a year and they'd been together for five.

From the start of their relationship, Marcus had been insistent that he never wanted children and Janette told him that she had never given it much thought. The truth is, that from the moment she looked into his deep blue eyes, she saw the future they could have: beautiful children with her caramel complexion and his beautiful eyes, two successful careers, three dogs, a house with a white picket fence, and growing old with grandchildren and great-grandchildren running around them.

Marcus saw a different future. He saw them traveling all over, from Europe to Australia. He saw them working and saving hard enough to retire at 40. He saw them buying a beautiful, big, Victorian house they could temporarily rent out whenever they were traveling. He didn't see them having anything as permanent as a child or a pet.

Whenever a friend or a relative announced their pregnancy, Janette, while being happy for them, was also envious because she knew it'd never be her. She knew she'd never be the one taking comparison pictures by a wall week by week. She knew she'd never experience the joy expecting parents did when they found out the sex of their baby. She'd never get to watch her child grow into a great human being; but she loved Marcus so she never told him anything contradicting her excitement for the life he foresaw.

When the stick turned pink, she saw both of their dreams fly out the window quicker than the bird Marcus wouldn't even consider. Janette started pacing the bathroom back and forth while nervously ripping up the box the pregnancy test came in. They'd been careful. She took her pill at the same time every day, she had an intrauterine device, and they'd always used condoms. She couldn't figure out how they could have conceived a child but a small part of her was happy and she had no doubt that a small part of Marcus would be happy too. After all, this was his baby too and it's impossible not to love your child. Right?

When Marcus got home, Janette was sitting on the floor. She was holding a sign that said "1+1=3" and a child's teddy bear. She was glowing and it showed in her smile as she was waiting for Marcus to break out in a smile. She just knew that he'd feel the joy she now felt and she was sure he'd enjoy having a baby as much as she knew she would. As recognition set in, a look of horror flashed across his face.

"What the hell?", Marcus asked. "How'd this happen?!" He asked panickedly as he paced back and forth in the living room and scratched his scalp. Then, his face relaxed, he shrugged, and he said "That's okay. We can set an appointment to get it taken care of."

Janette looked horrified. "What do you mean?", she asked.

"You know", he started. "We can make an appointment for an abortion."

"Why would you think I'd even be okay with that?", she asked indignantly.

"Because we don't want children. Why wouldn't you get an abortion?"

Janette thought hesitantly. She loved Marcus more than anything in the world and whatever life he wanted, she wanted it with him. To be by his side as Mrs. Marcus Williams like her mama was Mrs. Darnell Jackson. "Fine", she said. "I'll make the appointment tomorrow."

Two weeks later, Marcus and Janette went to her abortion appointment. She was 8 weeks along. As they sat in the waiting room and as she filled out the paperwork, she thought through the argument they had the previous night.

"Why can't you just have this baby with me?", Janette screamed.

"You know I don't want any damn brats runnin around!", he yelled back. "I don't want it and I'm not doin it. If you have this baby, I'll give you financial support but that's it. You'll never see me again. I don't want a child! It was true 5 years ago and it's true now. I'm not doin it."

"Fine!", she yelled. "Have it your way. I'll get the abortion!" Then, she stalked into the bedroom and slammed the door.

When they woke up the next morning, you couldn't even tell they'd had the biggest fight of their relationship. Marcus had pancakes, sausage, bacon, eggs, and orange juice waiting for her on the table. Immediately, she ran to the bathroom and emptied her already empty stomach. "At least you won't have to worry about that soon", Marcus said as he went to check on her. Janette just stared into the swirling toilet bowl and watched her dream go down the bowl with her vomit.

Jeanette sprang back to the present as she heard the doctor calling her name. "Coming", she said. They were escorted into a pink and blue room with flowers on the wall. Janette was asked to change into a robe that tied in three spots in the back. She was told to get on a table and put her feet in stirrups.

Before the doctor began the surgical abortion, she asked "Are you sure this is what you want? Once I start, I can't stop." Janette looked at Marcus' face and then at his hand which was enclosed in hers. Then she looked at the ceiling and said "No, this isn't what I want."

Her hand suddenly grew cold as Marcus slid his out of hers and left the room, slamming the door behind him. That was the last time she felt his warmth.

She jumped into the deep end when she first looked into his eyes. She didn't know that one day she'd need a life vest to keep from drowning.

"Are you okay?", the doctor asked as she began putting the equipment up. Janette continued staring at the ceiling as she blinked the tears away. She could hear the doctor trying to talk to her but everything sounded jumbled. After what felt like an eternity, Janette's ears unclogged and she heard the doctor ask "Have you thought of a name yet?"

"Kia", Janette responded. It means "new beginnings".