Breaking Her Walls

2

SOPHIA
AGE:FIFTEEN
He's sitting right in front of me. I want to wrap my hands around his neck and choke him. I want him to beg me. But I will not forgive him.

But that's not how it is in reality. In reality, I have to sit with a ridiculously fake smile on my face and pretend like everything is fine. I have to pretend that it doesn't sting that my brother is talking to him.

He's laughing with him. Like they're best friends. Like he didn't didn't rape his sister.

I grit my teeth. There's too much anger stored within me. Too much. It wants to get out but it has no outcome.

I have to keep silent. I will keep silent. Nobody's worth sharing this secret with.

As I look at him, I think to myself, why has he stopped? He hasn't done anything for about a year now.

And it scares the hell out of me. Because what would I feel now? At first at least there was pain. Now, there's just...darkness. So much darkness.

I don't like it. It scares me. I don't want to be a walking talking zombie. I want to feel alive and be happy. Like everyone else.

I touch my lips unconsciously. I have forgotten what it was like to just smile. To smile and feel happiness.

My aunt pulls me out of my daze.

"Sophia, you've become too thin." She remarks.

And everyone agrees.

There's a movement in my peripheral vision. It's the slightest bit but I notice it anyway. I notice his head being raised to my direction.

I wriggle with my hands in my lap. I don't feel disgusted. I don't feel disgusted. I don't feel disgusted.

"Yeah." I agree too because what's the point of arguing with them. It's not like they'll ever listen.

Just a few minutes ago, they were crying about how they want to be 'slim' and what gyms they go to and blah blah blah. But what the heck? This is my body. Do they even know what's going on in my life to give stupid remarks like these?

I run a frustrated hand through my hair.

I just want to find happiness.

•••

That day when I return home, I lock myself in the room and draw up a plan.

HOW TO FIND HAPPINESS:
1.Be mean to people before they're mean to you.
2.Hurt people before they hurt you.
3.Talk to boys to get rid of this stupid fear.
4.Don't ever think about what happened.

I read the points through and nod to myself. Yes, I'll be happy if I do all these. I will be able to smile and laugh with joy.

Happiness, here I come.

——————
The next chapter will be of three years later. When she's 18. Keep reading to find out what happens next.