Finding Solace

I

I had thought that a change in scenery was what I needed but the seemingly endless fields of golden grain and green corn fields were getting annoying. Looking out the window for hours, only to see the same thing three hours ago, was possibly the most boring thing in existence. At first, I thought that I had somehow gotten lost, driven around in a circle somehow, even though I hadn't turned my wheel unless I was avoiding a pothole that was somehow strategically placed right where I was driving. Though, my gps and paper map I had been using have proven that I was indeed heading in the right direction. It wasn't exactly leading me to a known destination but it was telling me I was still heading South, the direction in which I desired to go.

I came here for peace, a chance to flip my life around, the only thing that I was sure of in my life at the moment. Sure, the wide, open crop fields and roads with no cars or houses whatsoever was the epitome of peaceful, it was unnerving. I was so far from any civilization, the last sign of urbanization I had seen was over seventy miles ago when I had stopped for gas. The thought of that now was extremely unsettling. I was alone on this venture, a young girl that many strangers on the roads would consider naive and an easy target.

Swallowing down my pride, I pulled over on the sidebar on the road and reached my my phone. Scrolling through my contacts, my thumb brushed against my parent's home phone, hovering over the call button and threatening to push it. Pushing the lock button, successfully turning the screen black, I threw it on the empty passenger seat beside me and banged my head on the steering wheel. Calling them means they win, even after all that shit they put me through. The last straw, the last day I spent in that house letting them ridicule me, had me walking out of that house with just a bag of clothes, money, and the things I had bought myself over the years with my job.

Paranoid once more, I checked my paper map to ensure that I was still heading in the right direction. According to my phone, which I had searched when I had stopped for gas, there should be a small town approaching quite soon. I was in hopes in finding a diner of some sort, sick of the snacks that I had snagged from vending machines and convenience stores for the past two days.

Pathetically, I picked up my phone and unlocked it, placing it back on my dashboard to look at the electronic map more conveniently. Pulling back onto the dirt road, I watched the loose particles of dust and dirt rise up into the air, making a cloud of brown. Something so simple amazed me having lived my life driving around on all perfect smooth, paved roads with heavy traffic at all times.

Continuing my journey to nowhere, I pressed on the gas peddle harder than I was used to. Police were no where in sight, let alone an actual speed limit sign, so I dared to go as fast as I pleased. A sense of freedom came with it, having no ties keeping me anywhere anymore or restraints to hold me in place, keeping me from what I really wanted.

I rolled down all of the windows, letting the wind that my car was creating run through my hair, making it go everywhere. I couldn't do this in the city, the smell of industrial smoke and car exhaust polluted the air. The teachings in school about these chemicals made me hesitate to breath in such tainted air, cancer and other diseases that those chemicals caused where on my mind all the time.

The air here was refreshing, rejuvenating, even. My lungs had never inhaled such air, almost shocked by the crisp and clean smell of it. For the first time in a while, a smile plagued my lips. Even though being alone in this car with the endless possibility of getting lost or kidnapped, I was happy.

My foot presses on the gas pedal even more, daring to go even faster. The engine of my car groaned, the old model car threatening to give out at any moment but I couldn't care. I craved to taste the freedom on my lips, pump more adrenaline through my veins. I let out a joyful cackle when I glanced into my rearview mirror. A thick cloud dust had risen up behind me. I wouldn't even be able to see the police if they were chasing me to hand me a measly paper that came with a price for my wrongdoings.

My life on the high road quickly came to an end as my eyes focused back to the open road in front of me. Something small but quick, darted across the street from the corn field, making me promptly slam my foot on the breaks. My head snap forward form the sudden change, almost slamming my face against the steering wheel like did an hour earlier. My phone went flying and hit the windshield as I finally came to and abrupt stop.

I watch in horror as the small creature scurried across the road and underneath a fence. It could have been a rat or field mouse for all I know but I couldn't live with myself knowing that I had killed something. It's small figure turned a corner and disappeared from my line of sight. Cursing myself, I swore I saw it limping, whether it be my imagination or not. Whatever it was, my conscious would curse me with bad karma if I were to just leave it here to die. Injured or not I had to make sure was okay.

Digging around for my phone, I grabbed it and then checked my surroundings . Getting ahead of myself with that small taste of freedom, I didn't even notice that I had reached a side road, a landmark I could use on my phone to find out where exactly I was at the moment.

Grabbing my keys from the ignition, I slammed the door closed and locked it behind me even though I was the only person around. A habit I had picked up. Even though many people plagued the streets of the city, robbery in the middle of the day was not unheard of, nor did the bystanders bother to help in those situations. Scrolling up my phone, I groaned when I discovered I was still around five hours away from the small town, and my homemade food.

Frustrated, I shoved my phone into my back pocket, my stomach screaming at me for my stupidity. Rounding the front of the car, I glanced up for the first time, my eyes coming in contact with an old, worn down house. The curtains that covered one of the windows on the second story moved and I froze. The owner of the animal just watched me hit it and now knows I am waiting outside.

Waiting, I leaned against the hood of my car, hissing when I came in context with the burning hot metal. Quite stupid of me to do so but I wasn't always the smartest person. I opted to stand next to my vehicle as I waited for the owner to appear but they never showed. Standing there for a few minutes longer, I rolled a small pebble underneath my sneaker to have something to do, but still nothing.

Glancing back up at the window, I cursed myself for my stupidity once more. For one, the window was open because the glass of the frame had been busted out, the wind had been moving the fabric the entire time. Two, how could I have not come to the conclusion that somebody could not have possibly lived in this house? The front door was boarded closed with two pieces of wood, making it resemble the letter 'X'. The animal could have been long gone by now but I could not just simply leave without at least checking. Kicking the pebble away that I had been playing with, I sighed. I guess trespassing is going to be added to my list of lawbreaking.