a kiss on the wrist

Chater 11- the reasons

OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR 1K I LOVE YOU ALL OMG THANK YOU SO MUCH, HERES AN UPDATE, SORRY BEEN SUPER BUSY

I woke up and rubbed my eyes, zayns arm was wrapped around mine, and his head laid next to mine. I smiled and climbed out slowly, not wanting to wake him.

I was still wearing my clothes from yesterday, and i needed a shower. I bit my lip and went into the living room, harrys door was closed, and i could hear his music blaring from his stereo. I pulled on my shoes and grabbed my phone, stepping outside to call kassie.

After calling her five times, with no answer, i sighed and slid it into my back pocket. I blew some warm air into my hands and rubbed them together, i was going to go on a walk, but i needed to go inside and get a coat first. I made my way up the slick stairs and pushed the door open silently, creeping into zayns room and grabbing my hoodie from my bag.

Zayn was no longer in bed, but sitting at the end of it, yawning. "Good morning," i smiled, and slipped my hoodie on. "Good morning , where are you going?" He asked, running a hands down his face. "Uh just going for a walk," i nodded as he stood and searched for a shirt. "Here," i laughed, tossing him one from his closet.

"Alright I'll see you in a little," i told him, running out and carefully walking down the slippery steps. I shoved my hands into my pockets and walked to my destination. There was a park not far from here, and i figured this early in the morning no one would be there.

I walked slowly and observed the tress, sprinkled with snow, and the ground, blanked by a white coat of ice. When i reached the park, i noticed a swing set.

I brushed the snow off and sat down, swinging calmly and slowly.

I started to think, i thought about anything and everything i could, but most of all i wondered what zayn was going to tell me last night.

What did he mean, when he said he's not good for me? Or that he wasn't who I thought he was? I but my lip and concentrated on all the possibilities. Maybe i should ask him, i want to know now, but i don't want zayn to be mad at me either. Having harry hate me was bad enough, and i didn't even know why. I wanted to know this also, i need to know.

I stood up and walked home , feeling a bit brave.

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"Hey zayn!" I called out, entering the apartment.

"He went out for a little," harry cleared his throat, biting his lip on the couch. "Oh uh thanks," i half smiled as he stared at me, opening his mouth to say something but closing it. He shook his head and stood up, walking to me.

"Robin, I'm sorry," he whispered. I looked up at him, his curls falling into his face, and his fingers nervously dancing by his sides.

"Why were you acting this way towards me, did i do something?" I asked, turning towards him fully. "I-I don't know," he shrugged his voice becoming lower as if he were ashamed. "Well harry people just don't wake up and say i think I'm going to act like i hate robin today," i shrugged, wishing i hadn't said that, because it sounded rude. "No I'm sorry harry, you know what i should've tried to fix things sooner," i shook my head. "This is my fault, i don't know what i did, but i know that i must've done something." I laughed, as he looked to the floor.

"Robin you didn't do anything, it was me, i did something, and i just couldn't face you after it," he mumbled on and on, i couldn't hear most of it, but he seemed nervous. "What did you do?" I asked, curiosity sticking me.

He but his lips and looked around the room, avoiding the question. "Harry what did you do?" I asked as i saw tears forming in his eyes.

"I uh well we-" his voice breaking as he spoke, as he was about to finish, the door opened.

"Hey guys I'm ho-" zayn stopped, taking in the scene in front of him. "What happened?" He asked slowly, looking back and forth between harry and me. "That's what i want to know," i muttered to the ground.

"Zayn last night you said that i didn't know you as well as i thought, that you weren't good for me," i but my lip and looked up at him, his face was blank and white, harrys seemed to mirror his, as he begin to look around again, avoiding eye contact ."and just now, harry said he did something, and that's why he was ignoring me, and i want to know what's going on," i swallowed, staring zayn in the eye, he looked at the ground and set the bags down on the table.

"Robin, nothing is going on, i meant that i have a bad past, and that's why I said you don't know me as well as you think you do," he explained, looking up at harry who had yet to say anything.

"Robin i uh, it was nothing really, i was avoiding you, because i uh," he stopped, let out a long sigh and shook his head.

"I was ignoring you because I'm the one who told niall about you and zayn," he bit his lip and looked at the floor. "Wait he said he over heard us though at the party," i furrowed my brows, becoming confused.

"No your right he did, but when i first told him it was you, he didn't believe me, but when he heard for himself from your mouth, that's when he finally believed me," he sighed, picking at his jeans never looking me in the eyes.

"Wait so why did you even tell him it was robin in the first place, i thought you were her friend?" Zayn frowned. "I know, i really don't know why i told him, i just did, it just made me so mad because..." He stopped and bit his lip. "The point is I'm sorry, and i miss you," he sighed, looking up at me.

"So can we just put this behind us?" He asked. I looked up at him and smiled, holding out my arms to hug him. He smiled and pulled me to him, squeezing me tightly. I half smiled once he let me go and begin to wonder why harry said he was mad about what happened between me and zayn, but i decided to leave it be because harry and i were finally ok and i wasn't going to let my nosey self ruin this.

"Hey so how bout we cook some breakfast and catch up?" Harry offered, taking the bags from zayn who was watching him intently. "Uh actually I've got some stuff to do today in town so maybe another time," i smiled as harry frowned. "Well could i maybe come with you?" He asked, ridding himself of his frown.

I glanced over at zayn and noticed he was biting his lip and looking around the room. I furrowed my eyebrows and looked back to harry who was awaiting my answer. "Uh I'll be back shortly and we can catch up then alright i promise." I sent him a reassuring smile and a pat on the back.

---

I had gone all through town and checked for jobs but no one was hiring and the other places i applied for never called back.

I was just aimlessly walking around at this point admiring the clothes set out on mannequins in windows, and observing the people around me, this was the last few days of summer and everyone was out enjoying it. The. Rain yesterday hit hard, but today seems clearer than yesterday.

I pulled out my phone, finally opening my Instagram, my feed was still insults and pictures of a naked person. I ran my fingers through my hair as i scrolled through my notifications. I never really grasped the seriousness of this until now, this is bad, very bad.

What am i supposed to do? How am i going to get rid of this? I thought

I looked up from my phone and saw some kids about my age walking in my direction i kept walking

I was about three feet away from them , before they scrunched up their faces and fled the sidewalk to the other side. I stopped and looked over at them, the were laughing and pointing at me, one of them even made a moo sound. I looked down at myself and ran off, leaving behind the erupting laughter which was a result from my running away.

I ran into the closest alley and sat down, bringing my hands to my face and sobbing silently.