Love, Lilikins

~

..Gonna be brave and say your name.

PLEASE DONT COMMENT!!! JUST INBOX ME IF YOU READ THIS.

    Dear, Tyson. I met you when I was just a youngin'. 5 yrs old to be precise....

You asked me to play with you whenever I passed your house. At this time my life was pretty shitty. My dad was abusive to my mom. He'd leave my siblings and I under her care. She always worked so was barely home. So, for years my perspective on love was that it's preposterous. People come and go.

   Remember you took me to the room under the stairs and kissed me! You said your mom does it with her girlfriend and just wanted to try it. Since I'd dress up just to impress you. Laughing at your jokes when 99.9% of the time they weren't funny.

You tell me I'm beautiful whenever you get a chance.. to this day.

   When others would attempt to put me down, seeing you made everyday worth waking up for. Even with that stupid nickname 'Lilikins' that I oh so dreaded. But you make it cute. 

   My favorite moment between us was when you were playing basketball in the gym, I was in the bleachers just writing. I looked up and our eyes automatically caught each other. It felt like a scene in the movies. You were running with the ball. It was like time stopped and it was only us two. It was honestly perfect until you stumbled onto the floor lol. I ran to help you and a ball hit me in the head. You yelled at the guy and took me to the nurse when everyone laughed.

   I'd go on but there aren't enough words to explain how you make me feel.

   For years I was being sexually assaulted by a family member. Making matters worst I was dealing with body issues. You noticed how distant I was. Excluding myself from parties, social gatherings, even friends. You made sure to keep in touch. Calling me, stopping at my house. Sending pictures of us (That I still keep on my mirror). And writing notes on my desks. When I told you what was happening I felt like I made a huge mistake. I instantly regretted ever telling you. You actually ghosted me for a week. You never brought it up, still haven't told me why. I shared this depressing part of me to you and you left me. Was it my fault?

   My sister tells me "If you love someone let them be, if they stay, your meant to be. If they don't they're not yours to keep." No this isn't some cheesy bs off google. She literally says that to me every time I even think about a boy. Years gone, I've met tons of people. Let down two or three guys. Not just because of the fact that you hate them and they use girls but mostly because I think I'm in like, like you.   

                                                                                                                                         Love Lilikins