My days go on even though I feel dead.
I have to force myself out of bed.
My mornings are the same
But I'm the only one to blame for the shame
I feel within me, that nobody else see.
Today I'm wearing a fake smile
Dead eyes, scratched wrists and bruised thighs.
It's so hard to get on with life
If you in your hand are holding that knife.
Take a look on my dark history
To strangers it's quite the mystery.
I stopped looking to both sides when crossing the road.
I stopped looking up when walking on the street.
I stopped cutting, not because of the blood or because it was disgusting.
Because it stopped hurting, I stopped being disconcerting
when seeing the red on my arms.
All it took me was a fake smile, to hide the injured soul and they will never notice how hole I was in the cold nights
I stopped caring whether I was dead or alive.
I don't understand why people get so upset about my self-harm. People hurt me more than they know but I'm not allowed to cut my arms.
I sit in school, by myself, feeling like a fool. Starting off with geography, ending the day with history. I don't know how to carry on, when we sing the birthday song. In between our English and Danish, I take a break from this illusion, I imagine another world and come to a conclusion.
If I have missed out work, they ask me if I was there last time, I want to say no but the answer is yes, because I was there, but I can't explain my absence.
I want to scream
Want to cry
Want to cut. Want to Die
I see myself in the mirror and yell at it
Mirror, mirror on the wall, I just want to be thin pretty and tall
If I change my hair, maybe someone will care
If I cut my wrist will I feel like I exist
Mirror, mirror what you see, what you're showing is ruining me.
The mirror isn't ruining me, my depression looking at me is, but depression can't be seen, it isn't always the girl crying, or the person wearing the long sleeves, it isn't always suicide notes or pill bottles. Depressed girls can be all smiles and good grade or the girl you borrow things from. Depression isn't always that easy to notice. I try to handle this but I'm feeling hopeless.
28/08/2018
