Love Is a Bunch of Stupid Decisions

Chapter 17

I'm sorry I made you all wait so long! Thank you for reading, love you all

"So you still haven't talked to him about it?"

"I haven't had the time. The two of us have been so busy since we fought that we haven't had a spare second to even look at each other." Ava and I were walking down some hallway, following the rest of the group. We stood at a safe enough distance to talk about Ben and I without everyone hearing us.

"Look, Charlotte, this is just making it worse. It's awkward for everybody when you two are in the same room, and what Emma told you is kind of a really big deal."

"I know, I know." I respond. Whoever is in the front of our big group opens the door at the end of the hallway, revealing dozens, if not hundreds, of screaming Mean Girls fans. We had just wrapped up a performance with an organization near Los Angeles that provided arts experiences to kids who otherwise would never get these opportunities, one of the many things I would work on back when Ben said that I was 'spending too much time on work'.

Ben and I hadn't spoken in a week. It was hell. Pure hell. But I was never one to admit weakness, so I held my head up, worked harder than ever, and never let the smile leave my face. I wasn't really sure who Ben was staying with, since he wasn't in our assigned hotel room ever, but we distanced ourselves from each other as much as possible.

I stood in the doorway and watched as the cast interacted with their fans. All of our cast members were so gracious, it made my heart so full. Watching Ben put on a brave face and talk to everyone, especially, made my heart go haywire.

I knew Ben wasn't doing well. After my talk with Emma, and watching him this week, it was obvious. The bags that sat under his eyes constantly, the dull and uninterested look on his face, and the fact that he had called in his understudy three times this week were just a few examples. I knew that Ava was right, I had to talk to him. There was no reason to wait this long or let things get this bad. But I just had to find the right time.

I'm thrusted out of my daydream, hearing my name being shouted by one of the fans Ben was talking to. "There's Char right there! Can I get a picture with both of you?"

Trying my best to ignore the insane awkwardness of everything, I make my way over to Ben and the girl who desperately wanted a picture with Him and I. "Hey! What's your name?"

"Courtney! Oh my gosh, I love you guys so much. Can I get a picture?" She responds, someone already holding up the phone to take a picture of the three of us.

"Of course!" I say, Ben and I instinctively putting our arms on each other's waist for the picture. It was simultaneously the best and worst feeling in the world- having him near me and touching me after so long, and knowing that things might not ever be the way that they were before.

"Thank you! You guys are adorable," She says, unknowingly making things even more awkward.

I felt my face get warm. "Thank you!" I smile, still pretending that nothing was wrong. There was no reason for me to tell her and make it awkward for her, too, so Ben and I would just have to suffer in silence. Without another word to each other, Ben moves down the line to the next fans and I return to my spot by the door.

Once we get back to the hotel, I decide that I need to talk to Ben. I text him, asking him to come down to what was technically our hotel room. Part of me is certain that he's not going to show- but a few minutes later I hear the door click open, and I turn around to see him standing there, with his hands nervously tucked in his pockets.

I wasn't as nervous as I expected myself to be. I guess I just kind of knew that things were going to be ok. "Hi," I breathe out, him giving me a small smile in return. "I talked to Emma."