Dear Anon,
If you ever find this, trust me, you'll know its about you.
Oh god, where do I start?
Maybe the beginning of last year, when I started to notice girls in that sense. More specifically, you. I don't know how or why it happened, just that I decided to develop this huge ass crush on you that wouldn't fucking leave me. It was hard to live with it, and it only took me a couple days to tell pretty much all my friends.
So I don't know how the rest of our grade found out. Really, I don't.
I'm just embarrassed you found out as well.
I never intended for any of this to happen. It was new and scary for me. I would've felt better if half our grade didn't know. But they did. And they never let it go.
Take T, for example. You know, the boy who's last name is so similar to mine. He used it as ammo, I would say. For the stupidest reasons. And H. No explanation needed for who he is. Same thing. Teasing and teasing and teasing.
Your friends weren't much better, obviously. It wasn't just the boys. The giggling and the laughter. I never knew if they were laughing at me for other reason than...ya know, math class. Yeah, that seating chart. I wanted to kill myself right then and there.
It was a hard (how many months was it? I don't remember.) Then, also thanks to that chart, you told me you didn't like me. I, for some reason, wasn't really feeling much when you said that. No sadness, no...nothing. Well, just a little sadness. But not "go home and cry into my pillow" sadness.
Then, well, you know the rest of the year after that.
And now our last year of middle school has come around, and we're only 4 days in. Feeling don't leave too easily, that's for sure. I don't why I still like you, when I know you don't like me anyways. And that's ok. Feelings are feelings, and feelings rarely ever change.
I just answered my own question, didn't I?
But if you do find this, remember the date I posted this - 9/12/18. Something might change from now and when you find it. (I don't mean romantically, I just mean my feelings)
I know I probably weirded you out last year because of the whole thing, and I feel sorry for your friend (you know who) If I could change last year, I would. I'd make sure nobody else besides my friends found out. Then maybe things might have been better.
(I have a sneaking suspicion that H overheard me telling my friend and he told everyone)
Anyways, your probably bored by now. My story's nothing special.
Your whatever the hell I am to you,
Briar
