The Deception is Necessary

Arthur was heading back to his room after a morning training session with the knights. He tugged at his leather gloves and thought of having a good hot bath to wash off the sweat and grime. He thought moodily of Merlin who was missing again. Probably off doing something for Gaius or at the tavern. If it was the latter, he and Merlin would be having a serious talk about his obvious problem. Honestly, what was the use of having a servant who was never around when he needed him. Arthur contemplated getting one of the other household servants to prepare his bathwater, but none of them ever seemed to get it quite right.

He headed down the west corridor which seemed oddly deserted. Then again, it was a large castle, and though it was teeming with people, servants, ministers, guards, etc. there were times like now when he found himself completely alone. He didn't often get to relish it, and as he headed down the corridor he realised he wasn't alone. Further down there was a girl. Her familiar dark curly hair tied back, she was using a long duster to dust the corners of the roof. The plain tunic she wore hugged the curves of her figure the way his hands itched to do. She hadn't noticed him yet and he got to watch her openly without having to pretend indifference. Seeing her always made his heart beat faster.

Her face was in profile. The curve of her nose, the slight part of her lips. She was beautiful. And it didn't all have to do with her physical appearance, he smiled. She was also kind, level-headed and opinionated. He  remembered the way she had given him a dressing down about his behaviour when he was staying with her during the jousting tournament. He had never had anyone speak to him like that, except Morgana, but she was sort-of family. Gwen had a way about her that always made him take notice when she spoke. Like the time in Merlin's home village in Ealdor, in the woods, when she told him not to pull his nose up at the simple food the people offered. She made him think, believed him to be better, made him want to be better. For her.

Arthur watched as she reached up, stretched and moved the duster back and forth. Thinking about that time in the woods made him remember another excursion. One more pleasant. An interlude to hold and cherish during the bleakness of days. He remembered her laugh, the softness of her skin, the moist, warm touch of her lips before they were interrupted by Morgana and his father. He wanted more than anything to feel them again. To take her into his arms, hold her, kiss her, ask about her day. He could back her into an unused room. No one would know if he stole a kiss. But she was worth more than a stolen kiss in a dark room.

Yet how could he walk by her without acknowledgement, without a word or a look. But the deception was necessary. It protected them both, most of all it protected her from the wrath of his father. As long as Uther thought that Arthur's feelings were the work of an enchantment he would spare Gwen from the stake. As long as Arthur continued to deny any genuine feelings for her she would not be banished from her home and Camelot. Who knows where she could end up if that happened. At least in Camelot he knew she was safe and cared for. He would have left with her, but he knew Gwen would never ask that of him. 

It was then that Gwen turned and finally noticed him watching her. She stood still caught in the moment with him, looking with the same longing he felt coursing through him. The corners of her mouth started to lift when they were both brought back to themselves by the approach of booted footsteps. It was two guards who acknowledged the prince with a bow of their heads. Arthur nodded and continued down the corridor without a further look at Gwen who became absorbed in her dusting, hurrying away.

He wanted to call her back, walk with her in sunlight. One day he would. When he was king he would be able to do as he dreamed of doing. Just not today.