COnfused and Uncalled For

Stupidity # 1

It all started a year ago, this is the story of a guy who loves playing games, more than he loves to study for his exams (you can find someone like that everywhere). This is a story of a confused being. A person who is sarcastic, a bit egoistic, a loudmouth and a fool. 

My name is Grey I live in the town of N.Carolina, I was born and raised here, I was lucky to born to a well-off family. Both my parents are working and due to that the financial stability of my house has been very good everything that I ever dreamt off I have received it but the side effect of having working parents is that you have to self-reliant, You learn how to survive by yourself, how to take care of yourself, how to cook, clean and do the chores and stuff. Sometimes its tedious but most of the times it's like an adventure. You don't know what to do from the get-go so you experience and experience is a very good teacher.

 Growing up I didn't have many friends, I was always the odd one out, people thought of me as an extrovert but honestly, I preferred the solitude and the absence of plastic friends, you don't need so many fake friends when you can just have one real friend. I have been stabbed in the back, been made the laughing stock in the crowd, people are not always nice but some snakes are there who just wants to laugh at you, they believe embarrassing someone is the way of approval in the eyes of the crowd. I passed my Middle school and High school with an atmosphere like this, and now I'm finally in college. 

Sorry to waste your time with my monologue but I wanted you to understand what all I have been through now onto the main topic. 

It was the 2nd year of my college and I started playing a game and joined a clan in it. The members there were funny and helpful, they were like the first true friends I ever had eventually I met someone and we didn't click in the least, we were at each others throat everyday, coz neither of us could handle the other person, that's the kind of relationship I had with the girl I like. We were a bunch of loudmouths who didn't pull our punches and said everything to each other's faces. The first few months were terrible we could not stand each other and then I started losing my interest in that game, so I stopped playing it and went back to my daily life as there was no love between us then I didn't miss her in the least I was happy with my ever so boring life random college fun, outing with friends on our bikes and bunking classes. Those were the good days.

Out of Blue one day, the leader of my former clan messaged me about the launch of the expansion I was waiting for, this was a chance for me to reconnect with all the people in that group so I rejoined the game and I met her again. This time around she was a bit mature and we didn't have that many quarrels amongst each other. I used to talk to her on a daily basis about game related stuff but soon these conversations turned into a more casual and fun conversation, we used to talk on a daily basis, we were good friends by now, she used to share her secrets with me but I hesitated due to my experiences in the past, moreover this is a person who is sitting behind the screen of a computer miles away from me on a different continent. So I kept conversation to the minimum and then one day she just stood up and left with no means to trace her, I lost her and then it hit me, she was important to me and I was soo stupid that I never bothered to pay any attention. The girl I'm talking about is not that pretty, she looks average talks like an average person, she is not super special or a person with extraordinary talent she was a lazy slob just like any other person but for me maybe she was a bit special, so when she left, I was dazed and confused and I did the next best thing someone would have done in my shoes, I PANICKED...

But to no avail, she was gone just like that, No goodbyes, no words, she just vanished like she never existed, so I started my search with the very little information I had about her, I started my search, I decided to find and confront her, I decided within myself I would find the true answer to why she left us, why she quit on us.... but I never found her until one faithful day after 2 months of this incident I found an Instagram account by her name and there she was. I found her and I drifted into her DM's. My main concern was to inquire about the incident and to know why did she left me then but then it struck me, I was not in love with her the only reason I was chasing her was because of the void that I wanted to fill, the emptiness that had been developing for the past 17 years within me, maybe the absence of not having close friends struck me that much that I imagined the affection she gave me as something more meaningful and I dreamt about it way too much.

We talked and we reconciled and then I started flirting with her (I'm terrible at it & she confirmed it for me) maybe these playful things made some misunderstandings and some understandings, it was quite clear after being in contact for more than a year , we both had something for the other person but whatever it is, it is shrouded by a wall of confusion, maybe we both had been desiring a constant friend so much that we judged the advances of the other person as something more meaningful, right now both of us are confused and we don't know what to do, like I said ,"Love is a very stupid feeling it knocks you cold, it breaks you apart, it builds you up , it gives you hope when all hope is lost but all in all it is a very confused state of mind, you feel blissful when your partner is nice to you and you feel absolutely dejected when you fail in the trails of love."     

So right now both of us are confused what to call each other, we clearly like each other but we are thousands of miles apart and we both know, nothing will come out of this possible relationship till that massive gap is not breached.

So here I am at 2 in the night writing a story on Wattpad questioning my choices and thinking about them, I know this choice was not wrong and I know I like you but if for some reason our relationship doesn't bear any fruit, I want you to do what your heart desire and be with a man better than me(coz there are many) and If by any chance we do overcome this thing and lets think what we can do together in the future....