Anatome

Chapter 2

I jerk awake with a kink in my neck as voices woke me from my sleep. Great, i thought to myself as i realized that i passed out or something. What i'm wondering though is how I got back to my apartment, I guess i should go see who is in my living room first though. Groaning, I drag myself over to my door and yank it open. I walked into my living room and felt all of the memories of why I fainted at work come back to me. I could feel tears welling up in my eyes just looking at him.  There, standing in my living room along with all of his band mates is the one person I never wanted to see again, the man who caused all of the depression, Austin Carlile.

I managed to pull myself together and put up my oh so familiar wall as I blinked back all of the tears. "Why the hell are you in my apartment?!?" I yelled, feeling the sadness being replaced by anger. As the rest of his band mates just stared, he took a few steps closer and started explaining. "Alyssa you fainted at the diner and the lady, Mrs. Heidi I think, told us your address and told us to bring you home." he paused and looked down for a moment "Alyssa i'm sorry for what I did to you in the past"  He had a look of guilt across his face. Sorry doesn't fix it, I thought to myself. "You should leave." I said sternly, even though I just wanted him to hold me in his arms. I can't forgive him for what he did to me. By this time the other guys had already left, they're waiting in the hallway I guess. "Alyssa please let me expl-" He started, but I cut him off, "Explain what Austin? Explain how you totally forgot about me when you left? Explain why you never called or texted me? Do you even realize what i've been through?!? All of the depression and crying and sadness?!? Oh don't get me started on the numbness" he had tears in his eyes now, "Thats the worst. The constant feelling of numbness, its terrible. I don't feel sad. I don't feel anything." Now the walls I had built up were crumbling and tears were pouring out of my eyes. "Was i that easy to let go?"

He had tears running down his face as he tried to step forward to pull me into his embrace, but I used all the energy I had left to shove him back. "I'm so sorry Alyssa, I didn't realize that I hurt you so badly. I've been miserable for the past 9 months without you, I regret what I did every single day." I just started crying harder and dropped to the ground, not having enough energy to stand anymore. "Please just leave" I managed to choke out through my sobs. "Alyssa ple-" he started again, "No. Get out." I demanded. Slowly, he turned and headed for the door, but he stopped before he grabbed the door handle. He turned and looked at me one last time before exiting my apartment, slowly shutting the door behind him. 

A few hours had passed and I was still in the same position on the floor except now I wasn't crying anymore. I just sat, staring at the wall with a blank expression on my face. My throat burns from all the tears I try to hold inside. I've been thinking and i've realized. 

 Depression is like a storm. It starts slowly, then it becomes stronger and causes more damage. Then it stops, and you think you're fine, that it's getting better. Like it's safe to go outside now, and enjoy the finer things in life kind of like the eye of the storm. Then out of nowhere, it hits you again, knocking you down, harder than before, until you're no more. It swallows you, clogs your vision. So then you can't see how close to ending it is. And some don't make it, thinking that the only way to stop the storm, is to stop themselves.

I literally cried while writing this. ahhh its sad. ill try to update tomorrow.