The Host Club

Confusion but Love

A few days had passed and I hadn't seen or heard from Haden or Kris. The twins were out sick from school, so I figured I would drop in to see Haden.
I knocked softly on the door, Beth's arm looped through mine. It had gone through school quickly that I had a girlfriend, and was happy to oblige the rumors.
"Hello?" Kris whimpered from inside. "Who is it?"
"Just me." I said, turning the knob. "Can I come-"
"No!" I heard Haden yell,, the door slamming shut.
"What's going on?" I asked, looking to a rather surprised Beth.
"I'm sick." Haden complained. "I don't want you seeing me like this."
I laughed, "what, why?"
"Because this isn't attractive?" He scoffed. "I don't want you seeing me looking like crap."
I was pretty confused, but I soon remembered that he was Rich... And he was probably raised around people who only used him for money and never cared enough about him to actually care for him when he was sick.
"Just because you're sick doesn't mean you aren't handsome." I said quietly, shaking my head.
This time, Beth pressed the door open, but it was quick to shut again.
"Please... I really don't want you to see me like this, Hadlie..." He whimpered, and from the sound of it he was sitting by the door.
"Why not? It's not like I'm going to see you and then run away. You being sick doesn't change the fact that I care about you." I sighed and leaned my back against the door, looking to a rather sad Beth. "I want to be able to help you feel better when you don't feel good." Beth held up a bag she brought, "and Beth even cooked you guys soup." I added with a smile.
"I don't want you to find me repulsive." His sad voice leaked through the door.
"For the love of god." I muttered, "just let us in." And after a large sigh, he opened the door.
I smiled victoriously at Beth, who seemed just as excited as I was that we finally got in. We walked in to see Kris laying on the couch, his eyes shut, soft snores pouring from his nose. Then, there was Haden who was leaning on his brother, his whole body covered by a blanket.
"What are you doing?" I asked quietly, trying not to wake kris. I walked up to him quietly, slowly, to make sure that he didn't hear me.
"I just don't want you to-" I pulled the blanket off quickly, revealing a cringing Haden.
He curled up closer to his brother, his face pale, large dark circles under his eyes; which just happened to be blood shot.
Seeing him sick sent pin through my heart. I frowned, "awe, Babe." I said softly, "you look terrible."
"See!" He yelled, his brother jolting awake, clutching his head in pain.
"Why are you yelling?!"
Haden buried his face, muttering something inaudible. "I brought soup..." Beth said quietly, setting Down two containers in the tablet in front of them, along with spoons.
Kris eyed the food and quickly sat up and popped the top off. He ran his spoon through it and licked the tip, his eyes glazing over. "Ohmygod this is delicious." He mused quietly, his voice raspy.
Beth smiled, "I'm glad you like it." She said softly.
Kris now sat on the floor, devouring his food quickly. So I took his spot on the couch and rubbed Haden's back.
"Why don't you eat some soup, Haden?" I said quietly.
"I want you to leave." He said, "you're not going to see me like this. Ever again."
I frowned, "so then you don't want to be with me?"
"What?" He asked, peering at me through his hands. "Where did you get that from?"
"Uhm..." I shook my head slightly. "If you don't want me to see you sick- how are we ever-"
"I'll stay somewhere else!"
"And what if I'm sick?" I asked in a small voice. "Do I have to go through it alone?" Thinking about it made me a bit sad.
"Of course not, I'll be there for you always." His voice was soft before he coughed.
"You don't get to help me when I'm sick of I don't get to help you." I muttered. "Haden, just come here."
He shook his head, "no, just leave."
I gently grabbed his head and moved it to my lap, and reluctantly, he let me. But of course, he kept his face covered. I ran my hands through his hair, I could feel his body resting and relaxing. I smiled a bit.
"If you won't let her take care of you," kris said, smiling devilishly back at us, "I'll let her take care of me."
"Back off." Haden growled, his voice low.
"I mean, she probably wouldn't even know the difference." He leaned back on the couch, resting his head back and meeting my eyes, "what'dya say?"
"I said back off." Haden warned again, moving his hand from his face to prop himself up.
"Oh, he has a face." Kris mused with a smile.
"You guys are crazy." Beth said with a sigh, sitting down at the end of the table on the floor. "How are you guys feeling?"
"Crappy." They said together. "We just miss everyone." They continued in unison.
"Haden has been non stop talking about her." Kris jabbed his thumb in my direction. "All I wanna do is see her, he says. I just miss her so much, he says. Then she knocks on the damn door and he damn near boards it up like he's keeping out the plague." He sighed and eyed Haden's soup- seeing he had finished his own.
"I didn't say anything like that." Haden's voice was small and shy.
"I think it's cute that you missed her." Beth said with a smile. "I wish someone missed me."
"I wish I didn't have to pretend to be a guy." I admitted honestly with a frown.
"But then you would get kicked out." kris said with a bit of anxiety in his voice.
"Yeah. You can't leave." Beth said.
Haden relaxed, laying his head back on my lap, his face still uncovered. I dragged my finger down his cheek and smiled at him, "you look good even when you look like crap." I muttered, patting his head.
"So are you and tanner all good now?" Beth asked.
Haden was about to say something to me before Beth spoke and made his face turn to one of anger. He looked over at her, "I'm still not happy with him."
"He acted like you treat Hadlie bad." Kris muttered from the floor.
"I treat her good..." Haden whispered to himself. That's what hurt. He didn't even believe the words he was saying; trying to convince himself. I felt a pang of hurt in my chest. Maybe he just didn't care for me as much as I did for him.
"You do treat her good." Beth agreed. "Really good."
"Maybe even better then I could." Kris mused slightly to himself.
Haden didn't look convinced. I ran my hand through his hair, his eyes meeting mine, "you treat me perfectly." I whispered with a small smile playing on my lips.
He returned the smile but looked away from me, not saying anything. His smile was soon to leave as someone knocked on the door.
Haden sat up quickly, and I stood up, taking a step away from them and sitting next to Beth, looping my arm around her shoulder and pulling her so she was leaning on me.
"Oh hello." She laughed, her hand covering her mouth. We giggled over her as Kris got up to answer the door.
Kris pulled the door open. A perfect Amber standing in the door way. She wore jeans and long sleeve shirt, tight and clingy like always. Her hair was down, laying flat on her shoulders and hanging on her back.
"Hi." She said quietly, scanning the room. "I didn't realize you guys had company."
"What did you need?" Kris asked, rolling his eyes.
"I wanted to see Haden." Her eyes flickered to land on him. "We still need to talk."
I looked up at Haden, his head hung down, his face hidden. "Well, I'm sick. I don't need this right now."
Ambers eyes flickered to me and Beth, "still together I see." We nodded, Beth smiling up at me. "It won't last." She scoffed, pressing past Kris and inviting herself in. She made her way to sit next to Haden. "Please talk to me." She said quietly.
"I don't think we have anything to really talk about." Haden muttered, scooting away from her.
"I really like you, Haden. I think you should give me a chance." Kris laughed a bit, her eyes shooting daggers at him. "I'm serious. I'm ready for another relationship and I want it to be with you."
"I have a girlfriend."
"So? She's ugly and looks like a boy."
That made Beth snicker. She looked up at me as I rested my head on hers. I couldn't help but smile as she continues to laugh to herself.
Haden sighed, "I'm not going to go out with you, Amber."
"But why not?!" She began to shout. "I have genuine feelings for you!"
"Good for you." He said simply, standing up. "Now I would appreciate it if you would leave."
She stood up and stepped in front of him, pressing herself against him and kissing him before he even had a chance to think.
"Hey now!" Beth yelled, shooting up out of my embrace.
Haden kind of just stood there, a bit confused as to why she was kissing him. But I sat there, watching. As Beth tore her away from him- and his expression seemed blank. But he didn't try and press her away... Or was I just looking to far into this...
Beth nearly threw her out, and as soon as the door was shut, Beth was in Haden's face.
"Why did you just stand there?!" She yelled. "You just let her kiss you?!"
Haden let out a long breath, "not like I kissed her back."
"Or did you..." She asked, eyeing him. "Hadlie, let's go." She said, motioning for me to get up.
Haden looked over at me, his eyes widening a bit, "oh, crap."
I sat there. Looking at the floor, unsure of how to feel. I was numb- unable to feel the pain anymore I suppose.
"It's not what it looks like, Hadlie." Haden began. "I promise, it's not."
"I don't care." I said. "You know what, I just don't care." I looked over to him as I stood up. "You didn't even attempt to get her away from you..."
"What were you doing, Haden?" Kris asked, standing next to me and looping an arm around my shoulders. "Seriously, that was amber."
Haden just looked at the arm that was now wrapped around me, "get your hands off her." He growled in a low voice.
"You think you can let other people kiss you- act all weird toward Hadlie- and then just claim her as yours again?" Beth asked. "You've been acting awfully weird."
The fact that even Beth had noticed his weird behavior made me feel on edge. Maybe everything was so obvious to everyone else and I was just missing something.
But Haden's eyes were locked with his brothers. "Kris. Get your hand off my girlfriend." He warned.
Kris curled into me, squeezing me firmly and hugging me. "You can talk to me any time." He whispered.
"Kris!" Haden yelled, stomping his foot forward.
Kris let go of me, taking a step backward. He left his hands on my shoulders though, looking at me. "I can't shed anymore light on this subject." He said in a sad voice. "I only know as much as you do."
Haden stormed over and pushed his hands off me harshly, standing between us, his back to me. "Why do you always feel the need to touch her?" I could hear the heat in his voice.
"She's my friend. And when a friend gets hurt- I tend to comfort them." Kris looked at me- past his brother. "Because that's what you did, Haden."
He stiffened. "What?"
"You hurt her." Kris said, coughing slightly and turning to walk to his bed room. "How will you live with yourself now?" He spat, disappearing behind a door.
Haden just stood there in front of me- stiff as he watched his brother disappear.
"Let's go, Hadlie." Beth said softly. "You don't deserve this." She laced her hand with mine and tugged me toward the door.
I just let her tow me, not paying attention to anything. We had gotten out the door, and maybe a few step down the hall before Haden came bellowing out the door.
"Hadlie!" He yelled, grabbing my hand and pulling me from Beth. He pulled me into a tight embrace, holding me as if for me not to float away. "Did I really?" He asked, his voice sounding hurt. "Did I really hurt you?" His voice cracked into heart shattering pain.
"Did you think that wouldn't hurt me?" I said in a small voice, my brows pulling together. "What if I wasn't there, what would have happened?"
"Nothing." He whispered, pressing his forehead to mine, "nothing would have happened, Hadlie. You have to believe me. I don't want anything to do with Amber, I'm all about you." He was begging now, begging me to believe what he had to say.
"I don't know if I can believe that anymore." I said bluntly, take a step back.
"No, please, Hadlie." He begged, closing the gap between us. He dropped to his knees and rested his head against my belly, holding my legs as he held back his tears. "I love you, Hadlie. I don't want to lose you, you're my everything now. I love you, Hadlie..." He peeked up at me; a tear sliding down his cheek. "Please, let's talk about this."
He had just said he loved me... Was it true, did he really love me? He looked so adorable, sad and sick as he looked up at me. He did nothing to hide his tears. The longer I stayed quiet the worse they got.
"Hadlie..." He pleaded. "Please."
"Here's what's going to happen." I said in a rusty voice. "We are going to go talk about this. You're going to explain to me what just happened in there, and then I'll let you know where we stand." I said firmly, my voice nearly cracking.
"Are you sure?" Beth asked from behind me. "Want me to be there with you?"
I shook my head. "No, this is something Haden and I have to talk about alone." I motioned for Haden to stand up, and he did rather quickly. I turned to Beth, "I'll text you." And with a nod she left us.
"Let's go to your room." I muttered, pushing past him and going into their apartment. I threw open his bedroom door, nothing much had changed. Besides a picture of me on his nightstand. My heart throbbed.
Haden softly clicked the door shut. "How much do you hate me?" He whispered, his head hung in shame.
"A lot." I admitted, sitting on the love seat.
I heard him sniffle, "I'm sorry." He cries softly. "I don't even know what was going through my mind. I just couldn't register what was going on, and then it was to late. And now, I've hurt you; I'm no better then tanner." His face was hidden by his hair, hair fists balled up tightly.
"Why didn't you-"
"Because I didn't even notice she was kissing me!" He shouted, his hands finding his head, running through his hair. "Beth pulled her off so quick that I didn't even have a chance to register what was going on!" Then she was yelling and everyone was mad and I was confused..." He shook his head and sunk slowly to the floor. "I let her kiss me." He said after a few silent moments. "How disgusting." He wiped his mouth with the back of his hand.
I watched him for a minute or two silently. He was still sick, and he really wasn't feeling well. Maybe that had something to do with all of this.
Either way, I was going to forgive him. I loved him, and I wanted him to love me.
"I don't want you anywhere near her anymore." I said. "And if I ever see her near you..." My body tensed. "I understand she's gorgeous and everything would be easier with-"
"I don't care what she looks like or how much easier our relationship would be." Haden cut me off. "I don't want her. I've never wanted her, it's you; only you." He cried, "can't you see that?"
"How am I supposed to see that?" I asked, shaking my head.
"I've never told anyone that I love them." He said very quietly. "And here I am-" he looked up at me, meeting my eyes. "Telling you how I feel." He stood up and came to kneel in front of me, pushing his orange hair back, and Rubbing his beat red swollen eyes. "I love you, Hadlie. With all my heart- I swear it's only you."
"You love me?" I asked softly, taking in his sincere voice. "Do you really?"
He took my hands in his ands rested his elbows on my thighs. "I've never loved anyone as much as I love you. And I think that it scared me a bit- and maybe that had to deal with the kiss. Maybe I thought it would scare you off so I wouldn't have to go through this." He started to shake his head a bit. "But then I realized I don't want you to run away. I want to go through this pain and this happiness with you. Because this... This is far better then anything else that I can think of. Being with you forever..." He smiled a bit. "I can't think of anything better."
"I love you too, Haden." I whispered.