Unquestionable

1

My names ellaine sanders I'm now 19

If you told me my life would be this way 5 years ago, I would have laughed in your face

Here's why!

I've always been a timid soul that listened to the banter on my companions, I've always hidden my problems from the rest of the world, just so no one would ever see who I really am

I never wanted anyone to see me for me, because who would ever love me if they saw me the way I saw myself

Useless, worthless, demented and simply ugly inside and out

The love I had for myself wasn't merely enough to sustain me through my depression but it was just enough to attract someone that I thought would help me survive through it all.

His name was Steven, and five years ago he was all my heart desired, he was my first love
But did he love me back?

Well, not at first

Steven was introduced to me when I was just 14, he was a year older, he had this tough look to him, like he wasn't afraid of anything or anyone, but the thing that attracted me most to Steven were his eyes, that shine in the sunlight, I didn't know much about Steven but the more I watched him the more I fell in love with him, he was kind, he helped out at a old-age home every weekend but he never spoke of it, he was humble , he would refuse to eat his lunch everyday just so he could feed the homeless dogs on his way home, Steven didn't have the best life, he worked at a local store everyday after school and he always kept to himself.

Until he got diagnosed with cancer, even though we weren't close, he said I was the first person he told

But when he told me I felt as if was going to cry, a tear rolled down my check but he wiped it away and said " sometimes life gives us challenges and these make us appreciate Life even more"

This is when I realized that I'm only ever going to get one chance to tell him how I feel.
But just as I opened my mouth to say it, he interrupted : Laney I liked you from the moment I met you, but seeing you shed a tear for me, that made me realize I love you.

I looked into his eyes and drifted away into a dream, a dream I hoped I would never return from but, how could this have happened to the most precious soul I've ever known?

My world was brightening up but at the same time it was getting darker
I didn't know how to feel

But Steven knew exactly what to do
He put his hand at the back of my neck
And held my waist the the other, pulling me closer

He put his lips against mine, but I pulled away, he didn't pull me back in, as he knew I was still confused but he pulled me closer and held me tight with his chin resting on my head, all I could hear was his heart beat, and it was just as fast as mine

Why did I have to fall in love with someone that belongs to earth someone that could never be entirely mine, why did he have to have those eyes that starred into depth of my soul.

Why did he have to love me and Why did it have to end so soon.