Assassini

o n e

Picture of Dayanara Campbell

****

three months later...

"Hey girl, are you okay?"

I quickly flung my head up and looked around. I was in class. I soon turned to the voice. It was my best friend, Daya.

"Yeah girl, I'm fine."

"You have been spazzing out all class, are you sure?"

She doesn't know. She shouldn't, for her protection.

"Yeah, I'm just tired. Schoolwork has been killing me."

"Ms. Wallace care to share the class what you had to say to Daya" Mr. Larson interrupts his own lesson, everyone turns there heads to meet me and Daya. Daya started to fumble for words until I spoke up.

"We were just talking about how convoluted nihilism is. I mean it is possible to hate people because people suck, but to hate people to the extent of thinking existing is meaningless and painful is just crazy." I bullshitted that on the spot. It felt as if everyone turned their head towards me and glared in confusion. Even Daya had to take a minute to digest what I said after hanging her mouth open.

The teacher raised an eyebrow as he asked, "Well it seems that someone was actually paying attention, do you care to elaborate further, Naomi?"

In an instance everyone's heads shot back at me as they waited for an answer, Daya looked around in confusion before turning towards me as well. Shit. It was one thing that I was able to create an answer on the spot, but now I need to elaborate further. I took a deep breath as I fumbled for my words.

"Well. It is hard to explain because they can be many forms of it. One person can be depressed and tired of living so they could, um, technically be a nihilist in regards to their own life. And, well there can be someone so egotistical they think they are all high and mighty so they could um..." I looked across the room. Some guy in my class was staring right at me, however, there was something more to this stare, it is as if he knew something and he was ready to correct me. It made me uncomfortable, but he wasn't the priority now.

"They might think that life is so meaningless that they have the right to kill other people" I finished.

There was a moment of silence, blank stares were all across the room as everyone tried to take in what I said. I swear I could hear everyone breathing at that point, even Daya had nothing to say as she turned her head in an effort to avoid the awkwardness that resides in the room.

"That is an interesting observation", Mr. Larson began, "I am amazed by how you were able to explain the complications of nihilism while putting the superman theory in there, and yes nihilism is convoluted just as it is a way of life." Before he could add to that statement the bell rang saving me from further criticism. Everyone began to collect their books and backpacks before people began making their way for the door Mr. Larson spoke, "make sure you all read the section tonight, Friday we have a timed write". There was a collective groan from everyone as the room began to empty.

Daya and I were among the last people to leave because we erupted with hoards of people scrambling to their lockers. None of us said a word to each other until she broke the silence upon approaching my locker after hers. 

"So we are not going to talk about it"

I turned to her, "Talk about what?" 

She raised an eyebrow. "So we are not going to talk about how weird you have been? How you were out of it in class, but still were able to give Mr. Larson a concrete answer out of nowhere. Are you okay?" I stammered, she was doing that thing again where she is very concerned about my well being because I fucked up once. It is just the mom in her, she genuinely cares about other people and I admire that in her.