It takes 78 days to move on from a relationship. I'm not sure if the length of the relationship, all the emotional distress, the promises, or the depth of feelings are factors... I guess it doesn't matter though... When the ride stops, it doesn't matter how much you enjoyed it or how much you don't want it to end. You still have to get off.
I intentionally left, yes. But it was never my intention to hurt you.
Akala ko matapang yung desisyon ko, pero bunga pala yun ng takot.
I was scared of all the "maybe" and "could be" that I felt I have to control what is, and that was for us to end before the good runs out.
I couldn't handle how unbearably kind and understanding you were.
Nakakapagod kang sabayan Althea.
Never ka nagalit, never nagtampo, lahat na lang naiintindihan mo. Sige na, ikaw na ang well adjusted adult. It made it so hard to express my emotions. Everytime I felt anger or frustration, it came with guilt... When my feelings do come out, tinatanggap mo lang. Ikaw pa nagsosorry. When I want to discuss something, you give way straight away.
I wanted to compromise, you were happy to sacrifice. I wanted a partner, not a worshipper. I am not a perfect person Thea, I didn't want you to turn a blind eye to my flaws. I wanted to you to see them and then find out if I was still worth your love.
Ayaw ko lang dumating yung future na marerealize mo how much of yourself you've lost just to love me recklessly, and in turn you'll end up resenting me. Selfish na kung selfish. I wanted you to love yourself as much as I love you. You are an amazing person and I didn't want you to miss out on your life because you want to be part of mine.
So I left. I guess in a way, I did intentionally hurt you. I felt I had to. I didn't want to give you a chance to forgive me...
Today is day 79. I still love you.
