I took that picture by mistake, and realized how fast my mind made sense of the correlation with this chapter to my dirty screen. In reality, my screen looks just black. Empty. But when you shine a light up close, you can see every last spec of dust only visible with the presence of light.
I find it hard to imagine though. In this analogy my mind would have to be the light, would it not? Super-focusing in every flaw that I should tend to... but how can my mind be the light when it is filled with darkness?
I could make a hundred more friends. But it wouldn't change the intangible lacking of something I so aware of. I was so happy to see their faces on my screen. The two amazing souls I trust more than anyone. But at the same time, it rang this ever so quiet gong in my head. The vibrations in the air say, "You'll never have anything like this."
A key on the ground.
I don't think about being lonely. I never considered myself lonely. I don't feel particularly lonely. But somehow I know I am. How to describe this occurrence... I'm not quite sure.
I wonder how I even begin to think about how lonely I know I am when I don't even feel it? Or perhaps I am feeling lonely, but at the same time not feeling anything at all. You know, like how your body will feel the pain during surgery but you don't have to register the physical feeling of pain due to the presence of anesthesia.
Maybe I'm under anesthesia too?
W h a t k i n d o f d r u g s h a v e I b e e n f e d ?
YOU ARE READING
f e e l i n g s .
PoetryF e e l i n g s s u c k . Or p e r h a p s f e e l i n g s u c k s.
