Confession book

9-24-18

September 24th 2018

There are only 15 more days until my birthday. I found out that I AM getting the kitten. And I finally decided on the name. 

Boy- Jack

Girl- Sally

I am getting my kitten on my birthday. I kinda don't want to do anything or get anything because I have no idea if I'm going to see my dad. I really want to see him on my birthday because I never get to see him and I just want to see him. My 14th birthday is big for me because when I had my overdose attempt I honestly wasn't sure if I'd even get to have my 14th birthday. 

I have a lot going on again and it sucks. My best friend is self-harming and isn't letting anybody help her. She got mad at me for telling the counselor so now I have that to deal with.  My family isn't telling me anything about my grandpa who is dying. You would think someone would tell me how he is doing. But no, they leave me here to think of every single thing that could happen or is happening to him. Depression kinda hit me hard these past few days and I don't know what to do. I feel horrible on so many different levels. School has been really stressful. ALl the work and on top of all that I have to act like I am perfectly fine. But I'm not. It hurts to do this to myself but I have to. People only ask me what's wrong for gossip and so they can pity me. I don't need someones pity. I just want someone to hold me and tell me it's ok even though we both know it's not.

Here are some Jooheon pictures from Monsta X to lighten the mood up. 

His dimples give me life. He is just so cute.