Love Is a Bunch of Stupid Decisions

Chapter 21

I couldn't believe it was already March. I swear it was just Christmas yesterday, and Thanksgiving the day before that. It felt like time was flying by- but at the same time, the tour didn't end until early August, so in reality, we weren't even halfway done. Regardless of my confusing feelings about time, it was March, and we'd arrived in Rochester, New York last night. Today, some of the cast performed 'It Roars' on a local talk show, and did a small workshop with a local high school theater group. To celebrate afterward, we all decided to go out to dinner.

"So Charlotte, we'll be in your hometown in just a few weeks. Do you have a full itinerary for us?" Iain mocks, knowing how excited I was to take everyone around.

I roll my eyes. "Not quite yet, I still have to have the copies color-coated and laminated. But I'll let you know the minute it's complete," I joke. I start telling them all the things I want to show them- the beautiful (although still snow-covered) beaches along Lake Michigan, ice skating downtown in the winter or swing dancing downtown in the summer, and everything else (A/N: Talking about Grand Rapids literally gets me so hype. I love my city).

"And I'm finally going to meet your parents, right?" Ben asks.

"You say 'finally' like it's been years," I laugh. "But yes, you will get to meet them." I still had some hesitations about letting my parent's meet Ben, especially after what a good time we had with his parents when I first met them. Regardless, it was important to Ben, and it had to happen sooner or later, so I supposed we should probably get the awkward dinner small-talk out of the way and just do it now.

I zone out for a while, lost in both my thoughts, and also in the delicious Alfredo I was eating. When I zone back into the conversation, I see one of my least favorite things- Ben and Emily laughing about something.

I tried so hard not to let these little things between Ben and Emily bother me, I really did. The entire cast was like a family-- everyone got along, which wasn't usually the case with Broadway shows, and after what Ben and I just went through, I just wanted to keep the peace. In the midst of all of our arguing and fighting, we had never talked about Emily, which left me with a million questions. But at the end of the day, I just pushed it all to the back of my mind and ignored it.

"Char? You ok?"

My head snaps up to Ben's-- I must have zoned out again. "What? Sorry. I must just be really tired. What did you say?"

"I just asked how your food was," Ben says, chuckling at how out of it I was.

"It's good, try some," I say, pushing my plate towards him.

He tries some, nodding his head. "You're right, that is good."

"Here Ben, try some of mine," Emily says. Instead of letting him try it himself, I sit and watch helplessly as she takes a spoonful of her food and feeds it to him. It takes everything in me not to gag. Even if they were a couple and I was just watching them, I probably would have gagged. Ben seems relatively unfazed as I stare, confused, at the two of them. Was I the only one who saw what just happened?

Luckily for me, we all head out soon. My face feels freakishly warm, and without meaning to, I don't say a single word on our ride back to the hotel. I guess I was still just trying to process what I just witnessed.

"I'm exhausted," Ben sighs, plopping on the bed as soon as we walk into our hotel room. I'd usually giggle at something like that, or maybe lay down next to him, but I once again find myself zoned out. "Char, can I ask you something?"

I snap back into reality, my heart beating slightly faster. I hated when people prefaced questions with 'Can I ask you something'. Nothing was better at inducing anxiety than that one simple question. "Yeah, what's up?"

"Are you ok? Like, is something bothering you, or... You've just been out of it today."

I let out a nervous laugh. "Yeah, I'm fine! I think I'm just really tired." The lie was incredibly obvious, even to me.

"Oh please, you're always tired," Ben responds jokingly. "You're sure nothing's bothering you?"

Something in his voice told me that he knew exactly what- or who, rather- was bothering me, but I couldn't bring myself to confess anything. I wanted so badly to just be ok- to accept their apparent friendship and just move on with my life. Everybody in the cast got super close over the last few months, and I wouldn't want Ben to not be friends with them just because I was jealous. I had never been the jealous type- what the hell was happening to me?

"Ben, you know that I'd tell you if something was wrong. I promise, I'm fine." I say, laying down next to him in bed. I lay my head on his chest, him slowly rubbing my back.

"If you say so," He responds, still sounding hesitant. Not much longer, he falls asleep, obviously exhausted from such a long day. As much as I wanted to fall right asleep, I couldn't. Instead, I slowly and carefully climb out of bed, grabbing my phone and heading out into the hallway. If anyone was a pro at helping me sort through my emotions, it was Angie.

"She FED it to him?"

"Right? God, I'm glad you think it's weird too. Nobody else at the table seemed fazed." I had made my way down to the hotel lobby, wandering aimlessly around hoping I wouldn't run into anyone from the show as I spilled everything to Angie.

"And what about Ben? What did he do?"

"He just... let her. It was the weirdest thing, Ang."

She sighs deeply, processing it all. "Charlotte, maybe we're just reading too deep into everything. I mean, you do keep talking about how everyone is like a family, and how freakishly close people get on tour. Maybe you just see her as a threat when she really isn't?"

I groan, letting my forehead bump the wall. "I'm trying to get over it, Ang. I seriously want to be ok with it all, but I just can't."

"Maybe you should get Ava's input. She knows Emily better than I do."

"That's a good idea. Thanks, Angie."

"What else are friends for?" She responds, both of us instantly cringing. "That was cheesy. I'm sorry. But while you're here, I have some news!"

"What's up?"

"Guess who just applied for a job in New York City?"

"You did NOT!" I shout, having to cover my mouth to keep from screaming. The possibility of having my best friend in the world back with me was the best thing ever.

"I did! I'll find out in the next few weeks or so if I made it. I'll let you know first thing."

"You'd better," I laugh. Both of us say goodbye before hanging up, and I make my way back up to my hotel room. I text Ava on my elevator ride up, just to see if she's awake, but she doesn't respond.

Ben is still sleeping peacefully when I get back, on top of the covers and wearing the clothes that he had worn out to dinner. I laugh quietly to myself, getting ready for bed and laying down next to him. Before long, he wakes up, changing into comfier clothes before coming back to bed. His arms gently wrap around my waist, pulling me closer to him to get rid of the space between us. He leaves a kiss on my cheek as a small smile forms on my face, and before long, both of us are asleep.

A/N: so i always try to write a few chapters ahead of the one i'm posting just so if i get busy or whatever i have chapters ready and FAM. its bout to get wild. fasten your seatbelts. hold on tight. hold your friends hand or something. idk