I don't know where I'm going with this

Shadow.

July 10th, 2018- The day Ive lost my lifelong best friend.

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I can't even remember when it started, it was a slow decline that didn't hit me for a long time. 

Arthritis is what started it all off, well that and the lymphoma (lymph node cancer) which you beat 3 times but it still won.

In January It was getting harder and harder for you to get up the stairs, then you struggled to get on my parents bed 

I still remember when you could still crawl onto the table and eat all of our apples. You always did love those damn apples.

You were the smartest dog I had ever met, you knew when you did the wrong things but would still yell back at mom because you knew  you were doing them.

Then one day, I remember your legs giving out on the stairs. Watching you fall down the last step and your back legs didn't catch you.

"Dad? Shadow fell down the stairs and can't get back up."

We helped you get up, but you still could hardly use them. Eventually, they just gave out.

You started pooping in the house, you never did that, even as a puppy. You were the smartest dog.

We didn't know what was wrong for the longest time, no one could figure it out. Finally, we were told between the the lymphoma and arthritis, they got to your spine and made it difficult to use your back legs. 

"The doctor gave us this harness you put under her stomach to help her walk outside when she needs to use the bathroom."

It stayed like that for a long time, we would carry you to the food bowl then straight outside and lay you on the grass for a bit before we walked you back inside. We listened to you now when you barked, it was you telling us to come get you to go outside. You were always the smartest dog.

Dad would sleep with you downstairs, since it was too difficult to bring you upstairs anymore. He slept on the floor right next to you, the entire night. He wouldn't dare to leave his work buddy.

After about a month of this, is when I broke down.

July 7th, 2018- My graduation party.

I was late to my own grad party, no one was surprised by that, but I never told anyone why.

It wasn't because I was lazy, which was assumed, I just didn't have the strength to stop crying.

Our parents were upstairs, so I came to help the you barked from outside. I grabbed the sling to help you and ran outside. I put the sling under you to life you up. You wouldn't get up. I tried over and over again to lift your upper body up onto your feet, along with your back legs under the sling. You still wouldn't get up. I made sure you were still breathing and alive, but you sure as hell weren't living.

Come on Shadow, please. Just get up, I know you can do it. You're my strong puppy.

Because you couldn't move you were sitting in your own feces. The bees wouldnt leave you alone because of it. Don't worry, I killed them with your water bowl. I don't care if they're going extinct, they will never matter as much as you do. Grandpa thought I looked insane from the porch running around trying to kill a bee with a bowl.

I started to freak out and I ran upstairs to get Dad, tell both of them you wouldn't get up.

"Yeah, she's been like this for a while now. We have to carry her inside and outside now. She can't really walk anymore."