As The Light Flicker

Kabanata 3

TW: Coercion

"Saglit lang ako," mahinahong bungad ko, hawak pa rin ang paper bag ng pastries. "Napadaan lang. Baka kasi hindi ka pa nag-aalmusal."

He didn't reply. Pero nakita ko kung paanong bahagyang lumiit ang pagitan ng mga kilay niya, parang hindi siya sanay sa tono ko na hindi nag-aalok ng paliwanag, kundi ng alaga.

I was ready to leave. In fact, I already took a step back. But his voice caught me.

"Pasok ka na. Dito ka na."

It wasn't said with softness, but I held on to it anyway, because sometimes love means choosing to hear the kindness between the cracks.

I stepped in. Slowly. Carefully. As if my presence might disrupt the fragile equilibrium in the air. Napatingin ako sa paligid. The living room was a warzone of wrappers, used glasses, empty bottles of imported liquor na halatang hindi binili para sa lasa kundi sa presyong kayang ipagyabang. The air reeked of smoke... both from cigarettes and unmistakably, marijuana.

I paused, swallowed, and reminded myself: He's still the man I love.

Lucas' laughter from the night before must've echoed here. Malayo sa akin, pero siguro totoo. Siguro masaya siya. At kung iyon man ang ibig sabihin ng pahinga para sa kanya, who was I to take that away?

As we passed by his friends, one of them gave me a brief glance, half amused, half surprised... like I wasn't expected. Or maybe, like they forgot he had someone outside their circle.

Sa gitna ng kalat ay may parang rhythm. It wasn't my rhythm, but it was his. At mahal ko siya, hindi ba't dapat kong subukang intindihin?

I entered the room behind him. It was neater, more put-together... like two versions of Lucas existed, the one he showed me, and the one he was when he didn't have to explain himself.

Tahimik siya. Naupo sa kama, hawak ang phone, scrolling like the world inside the screen was more urgent than the person right in front of him. But I didn't take offense. Sanay na ako sa silence namin. Minsan, ang katahimikan niya, mas marami pang sinasabi kaysa sa mga salitang binibitawan niya.

I placed the pastries gently on his desk, careful not to make a sound. Parang offering... hindi para suyuin, kundi para ipaalala na kahit pa minsan nawawala siya sa sarili niyang mundo, lagi akong may dalang pabaon ng pag-unawa.

"'I bought your favorite pastries. I thought you might like." I said, soft smile on my lips.

He didn't respond right away, but I saw the slight twitch in his brow. It was enough for me. Minsan, tiny movements say what words can't.

I looked at him, really looked. His profile. The curve of his jaw. The line of exhaustion barely hidden beneath his eyes. He looked like someone fighting a storm I wasn't invited to witness.

At kahit nakita ko ang kalat. Kahit naamoy ko ang usok. Kahit narinig ko ang halakhak niya sa iba... I loved him still.

Because love, in its truest form, is not blind, it's just brave.

Brave enough to look at the mess and still choose to believe in the better version. Brave enough to stay, even just for a while, when leaving would be easier.

"I'm sorry about last night," I said softly, standing by the edge of his room like I didn't quite belong in it. "The meeting ran longer than expected, and I didn't want to leave something important halfway."

Lucas didn't respond right away. He nodded once, barely... his eyes still glued to his phone, fingers swiping with mechanical rhythm. The gesture didn't feel like forgiveness. It felt like dismissal.