The Roommates (Louis Tomlinson.)

Lock Tattoo

It has been two weeks, two weeks since me and Louis have been finished. Harry said he was staying with Niall and that he was staying there. Louis stuff was out of the flat but the second day which made me hurt even more. Was he trying to hurt me more? I trouble sleeping at night and it doesn't help that I go into Louis' room at all.. Well, his old room. Me and Harry are still close. But of course we are. We are the only ones here and he comforts me like half the day. I get constant headaches from my sobbing and my mental capacity has been demolished. I have made videos just to keep it from looking like something was wrong. And I don't know what Louis is going to tell the press and the paps that we aren't even a thing anymore. That would be the third worst thing that happened. The first being he left me and the second is that he took all his stuff. He couldn't make it any clearer to me that he was done for good. What an asshole. That's what he is. He didn't even come back. And I sure as hell couldn't apologise when I'm drowning in my own tears. This won't last for long. I'm sure of it. He will pick up his fucking phone and we will work this out. We've worked out things before.

My knee pain has started coming back too and the doctor didn't say anything of recurring pains. It has been hell for me. I'm fatigued. I'm hurting. I'm losing my mind.

I haven't ate in days. Well since Saturday and it's a damn Thursday. I feel weak. Me and Kelsey were talking about rehabs a few days ago but I said I wasn't capable enough to go at this time in my life. I was, well still am hurting about my break up. And I feel like I'm more depressed about this break up is because me and Louis have done more things that meant a lot to me. Like the lock on the bridge.. The lock the bridge.. Oh my god. I almost forgot about that.

It was the first time I got out of my bed since Monday and I'm flinging around my room, pulling on a jacket and running downstairs. I passed the kitchen where Harry was occupying and yelled I was leaving and that I would be fine. Harry called after me but I was already racing down the hallway to the steps. I didn't have time for a damn elevator. My heart was racing and my adrenaline was pumping. I'm not sure why I'm so pumped after not moving for an excess amount of days but I need to see that lock. That lock is the only thing I have left on my heart. I race out the lobby, and to the grand train station a few blocks away. I was pushing past people and to the empty ticket line. It was twelve and everyone was at work so it wasn't as busy. I bought a ticket to Paris and boarded a train. Everything happened so fast, I didn't even think through why I was coming here. I had no purpose. I think seeing the lock would make me feel better. At least a little.

I was sitting next to an old man and a young boy on the train. They seemed happy. Laughing and telling jokes to each other. I miss that with Louis. We use to tell jokes, tell each other sweet nothing's. We use to laugh. Smile. But now I'm nothing. Nothing without him.

'Excuse me miss.. Are you okay?' The little boy says to me.

'Yeah, I'm fine.' I forced a small smile even if I want to burst in tears right now.

'Okay. You look sad and you shouldn't be sad. You should be happy.' The boy said, making me actually smile. He was adorable.

'I am happy. And you should always stay happy.' I replied, earning a dimpled smile from him before he turned back to his grandfather.

The ride seemed longer that I had expected but I needed that time to think. What if me and Louis are finished forever? I never said goodbye. And I can't even reach him. I know I can't just go to Nialls and have the door slammed in my face. If it's even answered. I don't want to think of a world without Louis. I love him. I still will. I don't know if this pain is every going to go away and if I will ever be happy again.

Dramatic I get it, but he was my real happiness. The light of my life. He meant more to me than my stupid shows and coke.

As I exited the train and onto the lightened streets of Paris, I take in my surroundings and enjoy the sounds of talking and footsteps. It has been awhile since I have heard this. It seems like a lifetime ago.