You're All That Matters

Chapter 18

#emotionalchapterkinda

Cameron's POV.

I wake up, and Becca isn't next to me. After I realize that I'm alone on Becca's bed, I remember that Becca and I had sex last night.. which means I'm naked.

I get out of bed and pull on my boxers and head downstairs.

"Becca?" I yell as I hop down each step.

"Yes?" She yells from the kitchen. I follow the smell of pancakes and go up to her and hug her from behind. My hands travel down her sides and move to her hips.

"Ooh, sex and now pancakes?" I smirk, but she can't see me.

"Cam.." She warns but chuckles. She sticks her butt back against me and I wrap my hands around her stomach.

"So it's sunday.. Are you going back to school tomorrow?" I ask sense she took off a week from her mother's passing.

"Yeah.." She states, with a sniffle following.

"I'm sorry baby." I say and kiss her cheek.

"You know it's.. it's just fine." She says and breaks from my grip and goes up stairs. I decide to give her time because she seems depressed.

I take the pancakes off the stove and put them on plates and set them at the table, and wait for Becca to cool off..

Becca's POV.

It's not his fault, he didn't mean to bring up that topic. That fucking topic of going back to school. Where I basically have no friends. I've been so caught up with Cameron that I haven't realized it but I've heard them. The girls that always talk about how I'm dating Cam. I've heard the names they call me. Skank, slut, bitch, hoe, and my favorite. 'Attention whore". They only call me those things because they're jealous that Cameron and I are a couple. And I know that cause Cam used to attract all that girls, he hooked up with them and left them. When I first met him I could tell he did that. But I changed him.. right?

But also he asked me that because of my mothers death. Perfect. I get to face all the stupid bitches asking "oh, why were you gone?" some of them might answer themselves by saying "maybe she was hooking up with other guys, being the slut she is." People my age can be so cruel. I know that's going to happen. I know they're game.

I never really understood why some suicidal people self harm. They always refer to it as 'releasing pain'. I didn't understand how cutting your wrist would help release it, when in reality, it just causes more. You already have to handle pain on the inside, but you just add pain on the outside. Then I got it, I get if now. They do it to distract themselves from the pain in their heart. They make a different kind of pain, to try to make the other go away, to leave, to not exist anymore.

I can't help my deep thoughts as I stare at my spare razor under my sink.

I pull it out of the box, taking out the blades, thinking of all the bad times in my life.

1 cut on my wrist.. the day my dad walked out when I was eight, leaving my brother and I to my mother.

The second cut goes to when my best friend in sixth grade pretended. She wasn't really my friend. Someone paid her to hangout with me.. and then she made fun of me.

3, 4, 5... Those cuts were for the 3 times I actually saw my father for the first few times in years. He screamed at me each time.

6, 7, 8, 9, 10, 11. I didn't know what other reasons there were, but I knew that there were more.

And for my mom and her death, I thought that needed 5 more cuts. She was my everything. And then she was gone in such a sudden moment.

It's crazy how much pain this takes away.

16. 16 cuts were so close together going up my wrist. Blood was everywhere. All over the blade, all over my fingers, dripping onto my lap. I had to clean this up before anyone could see. Especially Cam.

I got some paper towels that just happened to be I the bathroom and wiped the blood off of everything. And as for my cuts? Yeah, I got every single bracelet I had and covered them. After that I washed my face and made myself look like nothing happened.

I walk out of the bathroom and take a deep breath before walking downstairs.

"Hey babe, are you okay?" Cameron says, concern clear in his voice.

"Yeah," my voice cracks and is very shaky.

"Okay, I set that table for us if y- why do you have those bracelets on..?"

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Idk if that made you cry.. but I kinda teared up writing this.

😣